The Washington Times - October 15, 2007, 10:37AM
•••\ \ We spent several years working in Miami, a great news town full of stories that defy human possibilities — see Hiaasen, Carl. Most recently, we came across a byline by our former colleague Laura Figueroa of the Miami Herald who wrote about Hialeah city council incumbent Jose “Pepe” Caragol, 76, who is known for his one-liners and who is running for reelection on his own unique “slogan.” “Si te gusta el sexo oral, vote po Caragol por consejal,” he said in several interviews on Spanish television. We’ll let all you globalists translate the Espanol, but remember, there are no typos. That’s exactly what he said.\ \
•••\ \ The other night at dinner — over a mound of sushi — one of our pals mentioned Diane Rehm in the same sentences as Harry Reems and we all goonily pondered if they were related. Tee. Hee. Probably too much sake.\ \
•••\ \ Hooray: The Duke lacrosse coach who left under a cloud of scandal after the stripper lied about the rape, has sued the school cause they violated a clause in his settlement agreement not to talk bad about him. We hope he gets a pile of dough. We are so glad to see him tell them to stuff it. We hope he has the meanest lawyer EVER.\ \
•••\ \ Spiegel, the fun catalogue retailer, (and one of our secret online shopping havens) will open its first retail store this fall. We could not be more pleased. \ \
•••\ \ Putin: Rhymes with “I’ve turned into a doughy, ungrateful, bullying ass.” Go get him, Condi. He makes us miss Gorby sometimes.\ \
•••\ \ We don’t dislike Rita Cosby, but we think she’s probably in serious trouble with her book. We think she published without confirming her info, relying on some Third World source who was looking for money to gab. We think she’s gonna get her pants sued off for a flat-footed tome that isn’t even that huge a seller. Do people really want publicity so much that they are willing to take the legal risk on these kinds of projects? Double AS IF.\ \
•••\ \ Speaking of pants off: What IS Monica Lewinsky doing these days? A free Miss Andrea fashion critique for the first person who gives us the skinny on our most favorite presidential paramour. OK, we liked Jennifer Flowers better, but mazel tov on that one.\ \
•••\ \ We fear something must be deeply and cosmically wrong. No, sillies, not the Al Gore Nobel prize — that was just freakily insane and we had to medicate ourselves to cope. The problem is, we went to DSW the other day and did not find ONE pair of cute shoes. The only pair we even liked a little bit were uncomfortable. Perhaps THIS is a byproduct of “global warming.” Our well-pedicured princess feet are swelling due to the marginally documented climate shifts that many scientists have questioned. Now it’s getting personal.\ \
•••\ \ Commentary on Fox News Saturday morning that caught our ear: “She is a socialist, she is a parasite on wealth. Hillary wants to turn the United States into Venezuela.” \ \
•••\ \ Our guilty gym treadmill pleasure: Watching “I Love New York” on VH-1. She and her hoochie mamma are quite a terrible twosome. Holla.\ \ \ — Andrea Billups, The Washington Times