The Washington Times - October 9, 2007, 12:35PM
•••\ \ Ozzy Osbourne and his lovely wife Sharon are auctioning off furnishings from their three homes, saying they have too much stuff. We can hardly believe our good fortune and we may be phoning in a few bids on these Goth-rocker goods. We have been meaning to refurbish our suburban news lair and angry Black Sabbath trinkets seem just the thing. We recently bought a cool skull mug for Halloween. It’s perfect for pumpkin ale. We got it at Wal-Mart. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.\ \
•••\ \ Not to moralize — but wait, of course we will — if people spent less time trying to remove God from our everyday lives and more time on their own good deeds, how much better off would we be. This nationwide assault on Christianity hurts us a lot. \ \
•••\ \ Since 1969, the $100 bill is the largest one out there in public use. Who knew? We had previously relied on the Monopoly money for our currency cues.\ \
•••\ \ We find ourselves strangely happy for J.Lo and her pregnancy. We wonder if her little — and we do mean little — husband will be faithful, given his past history, which ain’t so good. We mean, who cheats on Miss Universe? AS IF.\ \
•••\ \ The early rushes on the Gordon Brown reign aren’t good. We are already missing Tony Blair. We thought he was a very lovely public speaker and at least was no cut-and-runner.\ \
•••\ \ Speaking of Great Britain: we’d love to see the pix of Prince William snorting vodka. That is SO collegiate. We love it that he is kinda bad in a mischievous way. Speaking of mischievous, we wonder how the Jenna Bush wedding plans are shaping up. We hope it’s a White House wedding. We adore all of the formality, the pomp, the expensive ta-dos. Perhaps if she doesn’t, Chelsea can. Tee.\ \
•••\ \ Our first-rate movie tip of the week: “Freeway” starring Miss Reese Witherspoon and Mr. Keifer Sutherland. This is an underrated goodie. You may thank us later.\ \
•••\ \ C’mon, admit it: Secretly you giggled at the photo of Hillary in a witch’s hat. You know you did.\ \ \ — Andrea Billups, Washington Times