The Washington Times - February 1, 2008, 10:57AM

\ Moving quickly to politics, because bloody hell, that’s all anyone is discussing, save the weather … \

\ When the Barackster pulled out the chair for Hillary at last night’s debate, we were reminded of a fairy tale. Remember Hansel and Gretel and the witch and an oven door? Yep, that was the one. We do give her credit for that fab turquoise-colored jewelry against the dark suit. Our ability to accessorize is what separates us from the beasts.\

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\ Such deliciousness, we can hardly stand it! Evil genius Karl Rove will join Fox as a political commentator. That is kinda like someone pulling back the curtain on the GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ. He’s going to need a theme song. We hope Fox will sponsor a contest. The Darth Vader anthem has already been taken by our Big Daddy Dick Cheney, although we do think it would work here, too.\

\ Well, big news from the global armpit: one of those al Qaeda turban honchos apparently ate it out there in Afghanistan. To celebrate this achievement we are planning on ordering a ginormous bucket of the KFC, extra-crispy. Nothing says ‘fry, haters, fry’ like calling the Colonel.\

\ Do ya think President Bush’s legacy would be resurrected if, say, before the next election, he actually caught and killed Bin Laden? We do. Nothing assuages lame duck like smashing America’s Most Wanted.\

\ Weekend reading: the Time magazine piece on “Why We Love.” Loved it. Remember, kids: Two weeks til Valentine’s Day. Plan early. Yes, Tiffany is always appropriate.\

\ Our gift to you because we care: Starbucks is tanking like the Titanic. Buy now. We are calling E-Trade this instant.\

\ Andrea Billups, The Washington Times