The Washington Times - April 13, 2012, 03:36PM

Friday

Amazing how wicked a closing hole 18 has become at #Augusta. Leader Stenson had a snowman there Thursday + leader Westwood doubled it today.

SEE RELATED:


Moving the tee back a few years ago changed everything. Now, as Norman said, “It’s like trying to drive the ball up a gnat’s ass.” #Masters

#ESPN headline: “Ryan, Ventura have first chat since ‘93 brawl.” Maybe it’s in conjunction with the “Three Stooges” release. #MLB  #Rangers

Warren Sapp is broke? Well, at least I know one thing: According to a waiter who once served me, it didn’t happen because he overtipped. #NFL

So I’m watching the #Arkansas AD talk about Petrino’s crash — with the commercial backdrop behind him — and I’m thinking: …

… “This #Razorbacks crisis is brought to you by Farm Bureau Insurance.” #Arkansas #Petrino

#Tiger keeps leaving himself putts in Lip-Out Land. Not good. #Masters

Getting beaten for two days by Miguel Angel Jimenez might be enough to make #Tiger grow a ponytail. #Masters

In golf, you should only be allowed to mark your ball once. Like a manager can only make 1 trip to the mound. #Masters  #JustPuttTheDarnThing

This being Dufner’s first time playing in the last group at the #Masters, he should thank the golf gods he’s paired with Easygoing Freddy.

The best thing about the #Nats winning on Opening Day against the #Cubs: They get to be undefeated for at least 47 hours. #MLB

The #Masters is exciting, sure, but nothing will ever match the drama of “House Hunters.” #HGTV

People are making way too much of the hissy fit #Tiger threw on 16 tee. So he had a Shooter McGavin Moment. Who doesn’t? #Masters

Saturday

After the way he’s begun the season, I don’t think anybody will be hanging Chad Tracy a breaking ball. (Hanging Chad, get it?) #Nats

Byron Nelson: “We don’t produce golfers down here [in Texas] the way we used to, because everyone in the country plays … #Masters

“… under the same conditions — watered fairways. So you can say that great golfers are created under bad conditions… . #Masters

“… Personally, I don’t think there’s any question about it. It was tough playing back then [in the ‘30s and ‘40s]… . #Masters

“… You had to learn to play diddy-bump shots, chip and runs, and on hard greens.” (From this book: http://amzn.to/HTgLDm#Masters

Phil: 9 pars on the front. #Tiger: 9 pars on the back. I went to the #Masters, and the U.S. Open broke out.

Not to put any pressure on the #Nats, but: No team in Washington baseball history has begun the season with a 3-game sweep on the road.

Of course, a lot of that is opportunity. Many years, WASH teams played league opener at home, then caught a train/plane to someplace. #Nats

 ‘38 Senators started season w/ 3 straight wins over A’s in Washington. That was the last 3-game sweep by D.C. team to begin season. #Nats

Those ‘38 Senators were 5 years removed from Washington’s last World Series. Ended up 75-76 under Bucky Harris. http://bit.ly/HpKLZa #Nats

FYI: Hunter took over the 12-9-1 #Caps and went 30-23-7. Bruce took over the 7-13-4 #Ducks and went 27-23-8. #NHL

If you know anything about mental makeup of #Caps, you know it does them no good to be reminded they played well vs. #Bruins this season.

Gives you a warm feeling, doesn’t it, to know the Southeast Division champs came out on the losing end 44 of 82 times this season? #Caps

I mean, at least the #Caps won (42) more than they lost (40, counting OT/SO). They’re the only team in the division that can say that.

There’s no truth to the rumor that this Peter Hanson fellow who leads the #Masters is the fourth Hanson Brother. #Caps #Slapshot

Sunday

#NHL teams that made biggest improvements in ‘11-12: T1. #Bluesand #Panthers +22 points, 3. #Devils +21, 4. #Avs +20, 5. #Senators +18.

#NHL teams that had biggest drop-offs in ‘11-12: T1. #Lightning and #Ducks -19 points, 3. #Habs -18, 4. #BlueJackets -16, 5. #Caps -15.

#NHL division rankings by pts: 1. Atlantic 501. 2. Central 481. 3. Pacific 457. 4. Northwest 444. 5. Northeast 441. 6. Southeast 436. #Caps

#Tiger‘s #Masters in a nutshell: 10 birdies, 15 bogeys, 1 point-after-touchdown. #Augusta

The back 9 on #Masters Sunday is still, at its best, my favorite carnival ride. Greatness meets fallibility meets golf architecture genius.

From the great Dan Jenkins, who’s going into World Golf HOF: “Jason Dufner won $3 million last year and didn’t win a thing… . #Masters

That’s what I find sickening. I want to go back to 60 exempt players, pay the top 20 spots + tell everybody else to go get a job.” #Masters

Plenty more from Jenkins in Scott Michaux’s fine piece in the Augusta Chronicle. http://bit.ly/IvwaY1 #Masters

If you play the Gregg Williams audio backward, I hear, it says, “I … buried … my career.” #Saints #NFL #Redskins

Monday

Only 6 #NHL teams have made playoffs the last 5 seasons — #Caps and #Bruins, who meet in Round 1, plus #Flyers#Pens#RedWings, #Sharks.

The #Flyers and #Pens, of course, also meet in the first round. #NHL #Caps #Bruins #RedWings #Sharks.

With the #Caps seeded 7th, keep in mind only two 7th seeds in the last 20 years have made the Eastern Conference finals… . #NHL

Those lucky 7th seeds were the 2010 #Flyers and the ‘99 #Sabres, both of whom advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals before losing. #NHL #Caps

If you want to go back a little further, though, the #Caps were seeded 7th one of the two times they made the conference finals, in 1990.

That was the season Terry Murray replaced brother Bryan as the #Caps‘ coach midway through. #TheBrothersMurray

First we get 6-11 Jon Rauch vs. the #Nats, then we get 6-9 Zdeno Chara vs. the #Caps. It must be Pituitary Week in D.C. sports.

Tuesday

As Marge Schott might say, Ozzie Guillen “was good in the beginning, but he went too far.”

At least Ozzie didn’t say: “I was talking about Bernie Castro.” http://bit.ly/InmbFL #Nats #Orioles

Vin Scully has a cold. Sounds like a story for Gay Talese. http://bit.ly/hYUH4W #MLB  #Dodgers

All we need now is for somebody to accuse Ozzie of sleeping on a Castro Convertible. http://bit.ly/HvUe28 http://bit.ly/IBVuPu #MLB  #Marlins

Who’s going to be the first to say this latest #Redskins signing is much Madieu about nothing? #NFL #Bengals #Vikes #49ers

Is it just me, or does Jayson Werth look like he’s tiptoeing through a minefield every time he goes back on a ball? #Nats #MLB #Phillies

Ethan Frome went sledding. Bobby Petrino went motorcycling. #LifeImitatingArt #Razorbacks

One possible defense for Petrino: If #OklahomaState can have a 28-year-old quarterback, I can have a 25-year-old mistress. #Razorbacks

About the only way it could be worse for Petrino is if Sean Pamphilon were filming a documentary on him. #Razorbacks #Saints  #NFL

Wednesday

“Don’t cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end like I do.” What movie did that come from? #NFL #MLB #NBA #NHL

Answer: Bonnie Hunt said it to Renee Zellweger in “Jerry Maguire” (which I’m catching a few minutes of). #NFL #MLB #NBA #NHL

Speaking of Renee Zellweger, she went to the same high school as what quarterback of an #NFL playoff team?

Answer: She and the #Bengals‘ Andy Dalton both graduated from Katy (Texas) High. #NFL

Zellweger, btw, turns 43 this month. In other words, if SHE’d been on the back of Petrino’s motorcycle, nobody would have said a word. #Hogs

Thursday

There oughta be a law preventing the #Nats‘ home opener from being held on the same day as the #Caps‘ playoff opener. #MLB #NHL

On the plus side, at least the #Caps HAVE a playoff opener. #NHL #Nats #MLB

As I always say, if you’ve got strong pitching and the wind blowing in, who needs 1908? #Nats #Reds #MLB

One difference between last year’s #Nats and this year’s #Nats: Matt Stairs isn’t part of the extra-inning equation here. #Reds #MLB

Gio Gonzalez just found out how Jordan Zimmermann went 8-11 with a 3.18 ERA last season. 7 innings, no runs, no decision. #Nats  #Reds #MLB

Looks like the #Bruins are going to keep hitting the #Capsuntil they activate Dale Hunter. #NHL

None of this 4-on-4/shootout garbage for the #Caps anymore. Gotta love playoff hockey. #Bruins #NHL

So which is the worse way to lose, on a wild pitch in the 10th inning or 1-0 in overtime? #Nats #Caps #Reds #Bruins

Love to know how many goalies have pitched a shutout for the first 3 periods in their first #NHL playoff game. #Holtby #Caps #Bruins  #NHL

Knuble was reminiscing this week about the smaller ice surface at the Old Garden and how games there tended to be “footballesque.” #Caps

Game 1 looked very “footballesque” to me. The #Caps might want to break out the flak jackets for Game 2.

Interesting: Varlamov also lost his first #NHL playoff game 1-0. Game 2 of 2009 #Rangers series. Here’s the box:http://bit.ly/Ik9P1t #Caps

Varly, by the way, was just shy of his 21st birthday when that game was played. Holtby is 22. #Caps #NHL #Rangers

According to http://hockey-reference.com, the last goalie 22 or younger to lose 1-0 playoff game in OT was Marty Brodeur in ‘94 vs. #Sabres#Devils

Brodeur lost a 4-OT duel with the great Dominik Hasek that night. Maybe THAT’ll make Holtby feel better. The box: http://bit.ly/Ik9P1t  #Caps

That Brodeur-Hasek classic came in Game 6 of a 1st-round series between the #Devils and #Sabres. NJ bounced back to win Game 7. #Caps

Friday

Any day now I expect a #Nats fan to take a picture of a #StrasBurgerin such a way that it can be presented as evidence of a flying saucer.

Earth to #Caps: After losing 1-0 in OT in playoff opener, I’m not looking for Cool and Calm. I’m looking for guys who are P.O.’ed. #Bruins

That was a gigantic opportunity the #Caps let pass by. They wasted a great performance by Holtby. They shouldn’t be sad, they should be mad.

If the #Caps aren’t royally ticked, then they still don’t understand playoff hockey. There are no Nice Tries. They’re too old for that.

Letting Game 1 slip away increased the likelihood of a long, punishing series (at best). Not the #Caps‘ kind of series. #Bruins

The quick breakdown in overtime — 5 on 5 — also reminded you what a fraud regular-season OT is. Totally different game in playoffs. #Caps

I think what I’m saying is, the #Caps still don’t have anybody who’ll stand in the middle of the locker room and scream, “Never again!”

In the playoffs it’s often a case of: Who cracks first? The #Caps  cracked in Minute 62. The #Bruins‘ refusal to crack won them the 2011 Cup.

And that’s my Twitter Column of the Day, folks. I just wish the #Capswere as sick of these results as I am of commenting on them.