The Washington Times - February 24, 2012, 02:02PM

Sunday 

The Northern Trust Open

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Sergio closes with a 64 at Riviera for one of his patented backdoor, never-in-the-tournament, Top 10s. #PGATour #ThingsILoveAboutGolf

I see Dustin Johnson’s caddy is wearing a knee brace. This is what happens when your guy’s driver has an oversized head. #PGATour

The more I look at Jarrod Lyle, the more I’m convinced he’s the grown-up version of Larry Mondello. #LeaveItToBeaver #PGATour

Double-A’s in sports history (last name only): Henry Aaron, Bill Maas, Don Aase … and current Northern Trust leader Bill Haas. #PGATour

Hard, by the way, not to see the final round of the Northern Trust as a battle between Haas and Haas Nots. #PGATour

Glad CBS keeps reminding me that Keegan Bradley won the 2011 PGA, because darned if I remember. #PGATour

Every course on the #PGATour should be required to have a par-5 in the last three holes — except Augusta, naturally.

Josh Beckett talks about his “lapses in judgment” last season. I think it was more a case of too few laps around the track. #RedSox #MLB

Monday

Instead of a goalie, maybe the #Caps should just put a windmill in front of the net. #NHL #Hurricanes

Tuesday

Wonder if the reporter who wrote this article about Jason Campbell’s latest DNP is any relation to Joe Dirt. http://bit.ly/w45DyF #Redskins

As compensation for Theo Epstein, the #Cubs are reportedly sending the #RedSox reliever Chris Carpenter + a gorilla suit to be named later.

Fun fact: Not only does Carpenter have the same name as the #Cardinals‘ ace pitcher, he also has the same middle name (John). #RedSox #Cubs

If Ryan Braun’s appeal fails, his MVP trophy should be sent to Lost + Found — or maybe show up in an episode of “Pawn Stars.” #Brewers #MLB

Likely headline in the NY Post if Jeremy Lin ever gets divorced: “Lincompatible!” (Of course, he’d have to get married first.) #NBA #Knicks

After much thought, I’ve decided the #NBA should designate a family to live off the fine money Mark Cuban pays for ripping referees. #Mavs

Tomorrow’s home date with the #Kings is the #Wizards‘ 33th game of the season — or as I like to call it, Halfway to Hades Night. #NBA

In another season, David Poile (whose contract was just extended) will have run the #Predators as long as he ran the #Capitals — 15 years.

As usual, baseball’s rulebook has undergone major changes this year (e.g. the word “baseline” has been replaced in spots by “base path”) #MLB

Also, the process for appealing an official scorer’s ruling has been tweaked. All requests must now be made in Latin. #MLB

Wednesday

Love it when self-righteous souls like Randy Edsall need to be told what The Right Thing To Do is. #FreeDannyOBrien #Terps

If, as @MarkZuckerman suggests, Edwin Jackson is tipping his pitches, I hope he’s tipping them at least 20%. http://bit.ly/yZzby8#Nats

Tiger survives 1st round of #MatchPlay, Stevie Williams doesn’t. Wonder if Tiger considers it one of greatest moments of his life.#PGATour

Caps-Senators Game

Never mind eBay. Has a hockey player ever been put up for bids on a homeowners association Listserv? #Caps #Senators #NHL

Good thing hockey isn’t like match play in golf. Otherwise, the #Caps would already have lost, 2 and 1. #Senators #NHL

When you stink it up in back-to-back games like the #Caps have, it exposes you. It’s like announcing to the world: “This is who we are.” #NHL

Sergei Gonchar with an assist on the #Sens‘ empty-netter. The guy is like El Cid. They just keep propping him up on a pair of skates.#Caps

Jermichael Finley: 2 years, $15 million. Be interesting to see how that impacts on Fred Davis, who has similar stats. #Redskins#Packers

Davis 2008-11: 131 catches, 1,648 yards, 12 TDs. Finley 2008-11: 137 catches, 1,818 yards, 15 TDs. #Redskins #Packers

Thursday

The #Caps, I’ve decided, need a guy like Frank Pentangeli’s brother in “The Godfather” to just sit on the bench every night. #NHL

Reading about Pujols’ “El Hombre” flap, all I can think about is Jack Black’s monologue in “School of Rock.” http://bit.ly/yECliE #Angels

Historical Inaccuracy of the Day: The hurry wasn’t “started by #Eagles for [Mike] Mamula.” http://bit.ly/ydy67g Try #Vikes and Alan Page.

Bud Grant came up with term “hurry” for Page in ‘70s. In ‘71, when Alan was NFC POY, he had 10 sacks, 42 hurries. As a DT. #Vikes #Eagles

That’s in 14-game season. So about 4 times a game, Page hassled the QB. Remember, too: In ‘71, teams threw avg. of 26 times/G.#Eagles #Vikes

61-62 Chicago Packers (.412) aside, the only team in franchise history to shoot worse than current #Wizards (.427) is 03-04 club (.421).

This is what happens when you succumb to the “selfishness” Randy Wittman referred to last night. Not nearly enough open shots. #Wizards

Instead of changing their name back to the Bullets, maybe the #Wizards should consider calling themselves the Washington Clang.

The Clang Gang. Has a nice ring to it. #Wizards

#Tiger just missed another shortie in the #MatchPlay. Yip, yip, yippee ki yay. #PGATour

Dove Mountain, the course hosting the #MatchPlay, measures 7,791 yards. 100 years ago, U.S. Open course was 6,236. Difference of 1,555.

FWIW: 1,555 yards was how many Priest Holmes rushed for when he led the #NFL in 2001. http://bit.ly/yNnUER #MatchPlay

Once again, #Tiger misses a putt that, a few years ago, he never would have missed (5 1/2’) + is bounced from the #MatchPlay. Egads. #PGATour

Here’s what’s scary: #Tiger putted better with a torn ACL and a stress fracture (at the ‘08 U.S. Open) than he’s putting now. #MatchPlay

This test-sample collector in #Braun case sounds like a beauty. Good thing he didn’t mistakenly try to make a screwdriver with it. #Brewers

I can see Hollywood jumping on this #Braun thing. In a sequel to “Castaway,” Tom Hanks gets stuck on a deserted isle with Ryan’s pee. #MLB

Only problem is, Wilson floated away in the original. So they’re gonna have to come up with a new character — Rawlings. #Braun #MLB

If the sample wasn’t sent overnight, the positive finding can’t be right (as Johnnie Cochran might have said). #Braun #MLB #Brewers

Friday

@khalilgarriott just sent me off on a Wilt Chamberlain tangent. It’s the 50th anniversary of Wilt’s incredible 50.4 ppg season. So …

1. Wilt had 1,231 more FGA and 437 more FTA than anybody else in #NBA that season. That’s 15.4 more FGA and 5.5 more FTA PER GAME. #Warriors

2. Wilt averaged 48.5 minutes a game — more than a full game — because he never came out and his #Warriors team played 10 OT periods. #NBA

3. It’s hard to imagine how strong teams were back then. Only nine franchises in #NBA. Barely 100 active players. #Warriors 

4. Everybody always fussed about Wilt’s FT%. But that year, he shot .613 from the line — better than Bill Russell ever did. #NBA#Warriors

5. That was also the season Oscar Robertson AVERAGED a triple double for Cincinnati: 30.8 pts, 12.5 rebs, 11.4 ast. #NBA #Warriors

6. Wilt faced the #Celtics and Russell 19 times in 61-62, including a 7-game playoff series. How awesome must that have been? #NBA#Warriors

7. Besides Wilt (7-1), the tallest players in the league were Swede Halbrook (7-3), Walter Dukes (7-0) + Walt Bellamy (6-11). #NBA #Warriors

8. Wilt’s famous 100-point game took place in Hershey. Why? Well, why not? The #Warriors‘ home attendance that year was only 161,795. #NBA

9. Before Wilt’s 100-point game, there was a prelim between Sonny Jurgensen’s #Eagles hoopsters (he was w/ Philly then) … #NBA#Warriors

10. … and Gino Marchetti’s Baltimore Colts basketballers. Don’t ask me who won. #NBA #Warriors

Well, it’s official. #RG3 measured in at the combine at 18.59375 hands. (I use that unit because the guy’s a horse.) #NFL #Redskins

Thinking of starting a website called CryItOut.com, with links to all the melodramatic weepers sportswriters crank out. #Kleenex

Just noticed something else: Brandon Weeden, the Okla. St. QB, will turn 29 in mid-October. That’s practically older than Kyle. #Redskins

Those pics of the chiseled LaRon Landry made me think: If the#Redskins ever came out with a bobblehead of him, it probably wouldn’t bobble.

The reporting about Ryan #Braun’s botched drug testing contains words “Tupperware container.” All we need now are words “Tupperware party.”