The Washington Times - August 18, 2009, 08:21AM

Researchers have found that up to 90 percent of dollar bills in big U.S. cities test positive for traces of cocaine, the Guardian is reporting.

According to the American Chemical Society, the percentage of bills with cocaine traces reached 93 percent in Baltimore, Boston, Detroit — and Washington, D.C.

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Similar tests conducted two years ago found that 67 percent of U.S. dollar bills had traces of cocaine.

So this means that the average dollar bill is really worth a little bit more than face value, right?

The next time someone says they love the smell of money, hold an intervention.

Cocaine users must be kicking themselves. They roll dollar bills to inhale the drug, then they spend the money to buy more cocaine — and end up giving away part of their stash.

This explains why it’s difficult to get money out of some ATMs. They’re stoned.