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Americana?

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While strolling down the aisles of Target this weekend, I stumbled onto an interesting find: trading cards of celebrities. Featuring a black and white photo of John Wayne in a cowboy hat, and promising “randomly inserted Private Signings,” how could this miss?

By signing up a collection of total D-listers to fill out the packs, that’s how.

Consider card 166, Scott Savol. “Who?” I hear you asking? What, you’re telling me you don’t remember the “fifth place finisher in the hit reality show’s fourth season”?

Also included in the five card pack: Kane Hodder. “Kane Hodder has played the terror of Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees, in four ‘Friday the 13th’ movies. Hodder has also done stunt work as Leatherface in ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, as well as a cameo as Freddy Krueger in ‘Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday.’”

I mean, really? These people count as Americana? To be fair, there were some solid C-Listers: Karen Allen (“Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “Animal House”) and Kathie Lee Gifford also made appearances in the four packs I picked up. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss was probably the biggest name of the bunch. But, on the whole, Donruss should be ashamed of parting suckers like me from their money. At least baseball cards come packed with statistics. All these cards come with is the sadness of washed up celebrities.

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