The Washington Times - September 23, 2009, 09:57AM

Update: Say Anything blog makes its own attempt to translate.



For those who were unable to understand yesterday’s statement by the NEA chairman on the recent scandal The Washington Times can now provide this English translation:

Former National Endowment for the Arts Communications Director Yosi Sergant did absolutely nothing wrong, and for this he has been punished. The nothing wrong that he did was a unilateral and unauthorized nothing wrong and therefore obviously something wrong. He will be counseled on this reckless doing of nothing wrong so that in whatever position he remains at the NEA, he will only do somethings wrong with authorization from me and/or my immediate deputies in the case of which he is doing nothing wrong, but needs authorization for the nothing wrong he may or may not want to do.

The purpose of the conference call in which the NEA’s former communications director did nothing wrong was to enlighten artists as to opportunities for them to get involved in volunteer projects that just happen to be coordinated with major elements of President Barack Obama’s legislative agenda. Anyone who says otherwise is a dirty rotten liar.

However, when Sergant was on this call doing absolutely nothing wrong, he said some things that were not appropriate and did not reflect the position of the NEA. Though these non-wrong, but also non-appropriate statements may have sounded, to those who speak standard English, like requests for artists on the NEA dole to get behind the Obama health care plan, this is not so. Why? Because I say so

In an effort to see that no more nothings wrong — and most especially no more unauthorized unilateral nothings wrong —  happen in the future, the White House has written a stern memo to be distributed throughout the government on the proper doings of nothing wrong. In addition, there will be training for all doers of nothing wrong so that they may continue to do no wrong in the proper, fully-authorized and multilateral manner that President Obama demands of this administration.