- The Washington Times - Friday, December 17, 1999

Don’t ask

Defense Secretary William S. Cohen made a significant announcement Wednesday. He told airmen at Dover Air Force Base, Del., the Clinton administration has no plans to lift restrictions on open homosexuals in the military.
The statement dashed hopes of liberals that recent criticism of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” led by Hillary Clinton, would prod the administration to reverse policy.
But somehow, Mr. Cohen’s policy statement wasn’t news, at least to The Washington Post and the New York Times, who editorially support the homosexual rights agenda. Not a word of his remarks appeared in either paper Thursday.

Colpitts in 2000

“Dear Mr. Gates,” Kerry Colpitts, of the Provider Services Branch of the Canadian Ministry of Health, writes to Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates.
“I applied for a job in Washington, D.C., as a deputy press secretary for online communications for the Republican National Committee. Now, I’m Canadian, and don’t often get the opportunity to apply for jobs in the States, let alone get interviewed.
“I had a great interview on Monday, and have subsequently asked the person who would be hiring me (Cliff May) what more I can do to prove that I’m the best candidate for the job. He said, Have Bill Gates give me a call’ (I can forward that e-mail to you, if you like).
“I know you don’t know me at all. But I’m an avid consumer of your products, in both English and French. And, I also have a lot of initiative, ambition, and drive. So, could you take about two minutes out of your day and call Cliff and let him know that, as an entrepreneur, you admire the tenacity that I have exhibited in emailing you a perfect stranger all to get this job?
“Thanks for your time and consideration. And yes, I’ll still be a consumer even if you can’t call Cliff May (202 863-8569) today.”
Mr. May told Inside the Beltway Thursday that he is impressed with Miss Colpitts’ entrepreneurship and remains “waiting by the phone.”

Laughing with Hillary

We can’t help but chuckle at the official Web site of convicted U.S. spy Jonathan Pollard, authorized by Esther Pollard, who emigrated to Israel from Toronto after marrying Pollard in jail six years ago.
Pollard’s Web site, www.jonathanpollard.org, features a four-part cartoon of Hillary Rodham Clinton, the likely Democratic senatorial candidate in New York, seated behind her campaign desk.
“How can we guarantee crowds of cheering Israelis for my visit?” Mrs. Clinton asks an aide.
“That’s easy,” the aide replies. “Bring Jonathan Pollard with you.”
“Har, har, har, har, har, har,” laughs Mrs. Clinton. “Okay, now let’s get serious.”
A former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst, Pollard was nabbed passing state secrets to Israel. But not before he leaked 40 file cabinets worth, plus more than 1,000 daily intelligence messages detailing U.S. operations around the world.
The last time you read about Mrs. Pollard in this space was three years ago, after she ended a 19-day hunger strike upon a promise from then-Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to lobby for her husband’s release.
Only three months ago there was concern that Mr. Netanyahu’s efforts might yet succeed after President Clinton acted against the advice of the Justice Department and the FBI to grant clemency to 16 Puerto Rican terrorists.
Aware that the Jewish vote in New York is even more crucial than the Puerto Rican vote, law enforcement and intelligence authorities were understandably afraid Pollard would be the next to walk.

Dear Santa:

Earlier this week, we asked Inside the Beltway fans for suggestions for that perfect holiday gift for President Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Vice President Al Gore, or any number of other visible presidential figures during the past year.
Our readers didn’t disappoint, writing to us from as far away as New Zealand. Now, without further ado, the “Christmas Wish List” we’ll be forwarding to the North Pole:
President Clinton: Case of water from Lourdes; inflatable rubber doll; chastity belt with one key; hammer, nails and plane ticket to Kosovo to emulate Jimmy Carter and help rebuild the mess he left behind; actual one-year membership in the NRA; one $30 gift certificate for the housewares aisle at Wal-Mart; all-expense paid Tripp down memory lane; ticket for a three-hour tour aboard the “SS Minnow.”
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Invitation from Suha Arafat to be her chief spokeswoman on Israeli affairs; herd of camels; Bill Clinton pocket doll (she already has that one); lifetime pass on the New York City subway; key to Bill’s new chastity belt; new carpetbag; the book, “101 Ways to Spend New York Party Money Without Actually Running”; ticket for a three-hour tour aboard the “SS Minnow.”
Vice President Al Gore: “Urban Assault Camo Loincloth” for new alpha male image; rhinestone studded neck collar; book of pullout Patent Office Application forms; title to the Internet; wooden puppet for dual campaigning; the new book “Buddhist Rituals”; ticket for a three-hour tour aboard the “SS Minnow.”
Monica Lewinsky: Six-pack of Listerine; ticket for a three-hour tour aboard the “SS Minnow.”
Attorney General Janet Reno: Copy of the U.S. Constitution; new law books; a clue; a G. Gordon Liddy “Stacked and Packed” calendar; ticket for a three-hour tour aboard the “SS Minnow.”
James Carville: The Phonics Game; ticket for a three-hour tour aboard the “SS Minnow.”
Linda R. Tripp: A new tin whistle; a New York City ticker-tape parade.
Rep. Barney Frank (who, for whatever strange reason, shows up in every poll): A ranch in Nevada.

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