- The Washington Times - Friday, December 8, 2000

Take the 24

Much like the 2000 presidential contest, the 1970 Senate battle in Tennessee pitting incumbent Democrat Albert Gore Sr. against Republican Bill Brock wasn't pretty.
At one point in the heated contest, Mr. Gore, who had served his Tennessee constituents for 32 years, stormed onto the Senate floor to denounce his opponent for operating a smear campaign.
Cooler heads in Congress prevailed in striking Mr. Gore's tirade from the Congressional Record, but when the dust settled on Election Day it was Mr. Brock declared the winner. Hours after delivering a brief but difficult concession speech, the ousted incumbent and his loyal son future Vice President Al Gore went canoeing for some answers.
"Dad," the son consoled his somber father while paddling down the Caney Fork in Tennessee, "I would take the 32 years."
Now, three decades later, the younger Mr. Gore is caught up in his father's wake, searching for the same answers, having served his constituency for 24 years.
Care to paddle, Tipper?

Ladies?

The ultimate winner in the 2000 presidential contest should be thankful he doesn't live in Swaziland, where the women have a unique way of demonstrating their feelings for newly crowned leaders.
An unpopular Swazi chief has narrowly escaped the ultimate insult from about 50 angry women, who threatened to take their clothes off and flash their buttocks at him, says a Daily Telegraph dispatch.
The women gathered outside Chief Maguga Dlamini's house last week in preparation for their unique protest.
"In Swazi culture it is considered bad luck when an elderly woman shows you her buttocks," the Telegraph explains. "The women were protesting the appointment of Maguga as chief of Macetjeni and KaMkhweli in central Swaziland, after the two incumbent chiefs were forcibly evicted in early October."

Cuomo's portfolio

Number of photographs of Housing and Urban Development Secretary Andrew M. Cuomo in "A Vision for Change: The Story of HUD's Transformation," the agency's new glossy report: 19.
"HUD has produced many informative and helpful reports. This is not one of them," says Bill Faith, executive director of Coalition on Homelessness and Housing in Ohio. "This is a PR puff piece."
In a letter to Mr. Cuomo, obtained by this column yesterday, the vice chairman of the House subcommittee on housing and community opportunity, Republican Rep. Bob Ney of Ohio, says of the $750,000 report: "I am concerned that as we approach a change in administration, HUD is spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on what may appear to some to be a flagrant political public relations document.
"These funds could have provided an entire year's worth of housing … for hundreds of poor families across the country."

Green acres

We attended this week's congressional briefing on the Kyoto Protocol in the Cannon House Office Building, the global warming panel consisting of Harlan Watson, majority staff director of the House Science subcommittee on energy and the environment; Bonner R. Cohen, senior fellow of the Lexington Institute; Craig Rucker, executive director of the Committee For a Constructive Tomorrow; Myron Ebell, director of global warming policy at the Competitive Enterprise Institute; and Christopher C. Horner, counsel to the Cooler Heads Coalition.
The latter had everybody laughing when he quoted one Canadian diplomat as conceding: "We Canadians used to pound the table to be as 'green' as we could be, knowing the United States would always save us from ourselves by vetoing the international environmental idiocy we'd offer to appease our domestic left. Since 1993, you haven't been there for us. You agree to anything."

Costly cows

Word's reached Environmental Protection Agency headquarters in Washington that the federal government has finally conquered Virginia and her cows.
To summarize, in accordance with section 122(i) of the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation and Liability Act, as amended by the Superfund Amendment and Reauthorization Act (CERCLA), the proposed settlement concerns Uncle Sam's response costs at the "Tokeland Cow Dip Pit" CERCLA Site, in Pacific County, Wash.
The settlement requires the estate of Virginia M. Nelson to pay $57,111.55 to the Hazardous Substance Superfund.

Wonder ears

That voice at a nearby table at Washington's Taberna del Alabardero sure sounds familiar.
That's it the narrator's voice of ABC's 1989-93 hit series "The Wonder Years." Vocal chords for which belong to Bethesda native Daniel Stern, whose subsequent performances in "Home Alone" (I & II), "City Slickers" (I & II) and "The Milagro Beanfield War," also have garnered critical acclaim.

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