- The Washington Times - Friday, October 27, 2000

Blown allowance

The mother of 10-year-old Samuel Brasher, of Birmingham, Ala., mailed a letter this week to her "Uncle Dougle" (also known as Jesse Merrell of Northwest Washington), recalling her fifth-grader's introduction to national politics.
Samuel recently received an assignment from his teacher to compile a scrapbook on the 2000 presidential election, filling it with news articles, political cartoons, photographs, buttons and bumper stickers for each of the major candidates.
First, Chris Brasher and her son visited the headquarters of the Alabama Republican Party.
"They were very friendly and eager to help," Mrs. Brasher writes. "They loaded us up with yard signs, bumper stickers, brochures and 'What it Means to be a Republican' literature. We felt we now had a great start on his scrapbook.
"Then we visited the Democratic office where the wind was knocked out of us," she says. "We cheerfully explained Samuel's school assignment and expressed our desire to represent Gore-Lieberman in his scrapbook. Much to our surprise they hesitantly offered us a small sign and a button if we purchased it.
"We had to make a donation to their campaign before we could leave with the two items they offered up."
The letter concluded by saying that Samuel's teacher was "quite impressed" her pupil made the effort to visit each campaign's headquarters, and asked if he wouldn't mind sharing the addresses of both offices with his fellow students.
"Samuel gave them the exact directions to the Bush-Cheney headquarters," writes Mrs. Brasher, "but advised against visiting the Gore-Lieberman headquarters unless they wanted to spend their allowance."

411

All the "budget surplus" promises and guarantees by the presidential candidates and their respective financial advisers can't buy the confidence of one U.S. senator.
"We have all these economists telling us we are going to have 10 years of surpluses," notes Sen. Byron L. Dorgan, North Dakota Democrat.
"Most cannot remember their telephone numbers, and they are telling us what is going to happen in this country eight years down the road? Nonsense."

Harness the dogs

It was damp and chilly, with fog so thick you couldn't find the U.S. Capitol dome yesterday, and through it all a smiling Sen. Ted Stevens, Alaska Republican, arrived to work in his shiny red convertible top down feeling right at home, no doubt.

Emergency airdrop

"Thought you might get a kick out of our latest contest," Brent Barksdale, of PoliticalUSA.com, writes Inside the Beltway.
"We're calling it the 'Bomb Away Contest.' We're giving away a prize to the person who guesses the correct date Bill Clinton calls for a military strike to help Al Gore get elected."

Peasant arms

We have to laugh at the remark Wednesday night of Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association, while addressing about 1,000 people at a "get-out-the-vote" rally in Allegheny County, Pa.
A sign held up by one member of the audience read: "Hunters for Gore."
Mr. LaPierre responded by saying, "They must be bow hunters, because if Al Gore is elected president, that's all they will have left. I hope they've been practicing with their bow and arrows, spears and clubs."

Peasant army

That was House Minority Leader Richard A. Gephardt inspiring his Democratic Caucus troops by showing up for their regularly scheduled meeting yesterday dressed as 13th-century Scottish hero William Wallace, also known as "Braveheart."
Clutching a plastic spear and wearing face paint, Mr. Gephardt turned more than one head on his way into and out of the meeting.
"Everyone knows exactly what happens to Braveheart at the end of the movie," remarked Ron Bonjean, communications director for Rep. J.C. Watts Jr., Oklahoma Republican. "This is the Democrats' last stand, and there won't be a sequel."

Look it up

"It has been stated countless times that Al Gore is stiff," observes Randall Stephens of Washington. "Even the vice president acknowledges the fact. However, I was unaware that there is a medical term for this condition: algor mortis.

"The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition, defines this condition as follows:

"Noun: The cooling of the body that follows death.

"Etymology: Latin algor, coolness + mortis, genitive of mors, death."

Godspeed

"May they find grace and peace in the midst of intensity generated by pressured agendas and races for Senate seats."
U.S. Senate guest chaplain Richard Roth, of Falls Church, Va., praying this week that those senators up for re-election keep the political mudslinging to a minimum.

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