- The Washington Times - Friday, June 8, 2001

The Lakers let history slip from their grasp, mostly because Matt Geiger and Eric Snow failed to interest them in Game 1 of the NBA Finals.

Geiger is usually relegated to the bench, where he can do the least harm, and Snow usually earns his keep by carrying Allen Iverson's bags and recording equipment.

Even NBC expected a mismatch, if the decision to show the geriatrics from U2 at halftime was an indication.

The U2 geriatrics were shown live from FleetCenter in Boston, which beats dead, and given the ages of the professional noisemakers, the clarification from NBC was necessary.

Bono is trying to save the world, although he can't even save Ireland, Northern Ireland in particular.

He apparently named himself after the late Sonny Bono, which qualifies as being creative in the music world. The alternative was Cat or Stevens, who no longer goes by either name.

At least Bono named himself after an entertainer.

Edge, U2's guitarist, named himself after a shaving cream.

Sting must have been busy at halftime with saving the tropical rain forest and the guy who has a plate stuck in his mouth.

Sting is another deep thinker, only he is concerned with the hole in the ozone layer, except when he is making an automobile commercial or heating his English castle.

The 76ers, meanwhile, have the Answer, which begs the obvious: What is the question?

Why do birds fly south?

Because it is too far to walk.

In certain respects, being a basketball player is similar to being an artist. Each carries an awful social responsibility, whether you are interested in the NRA or 'hos.

Bono spoke against the former on the opening night of his tour. He should know that guns don't kill people. The IRA kills people, often with well-concealed bombs.

Unfortunately, Bono failed to analyze the proceedings in the first half, as if to confirm that two wrongs don't make a right, three if you count this space. After Bono obtains world

peace and ends world hunger, he may take up with the guy who has a plate stuck in his mouth.

Two pretentious noisemakers and one guy with a plate stuck in the mouth are certain to rally the nitwits paying $45 for a concert T-shirt.

At the moment, the Lakers are inclined to leave the weighty stuff to Bono, Sting and Shawn Kemp. They would settle for a victory tonight and a pat on the rear from Chief Crazy Horse.

As for NBC, struggling as it is for material at halftime, it might want to air an interview with Chief Crazy Horse or have a reading of Marv Albert's courtroom transcripts.

The Big Aristotle missed 12 free throw attempts, and Geiger, who can't help his looks, drained five jump shots. That comes out to 22 points, about the difference between the two teams.

Kobe Bryant also appeared as sleepyheaded as Jack Nicholson at courtside. He dribbled into three defenders near the end of regulation and lost the ball. How do you say blind and dumb in Italian?

The Lakers might have prevailed anyway if Robert Horry had not incurred a silly offensive foul in overtime and Tyronn Lue had not remembered who he is and thrown up a silly layup attempt and left the Answer open for a 3-pointer at the other end.

In Lue's defense, he is still working on the correct spelling of his first name after being spotted the first five letters. Maybe Tyrone Hill could help.

It was only one game, however unexpected and entertaining it was. History left the building after the game, not the imposing wherewithal of the Lakers.

Their 10-day pause between the Spurs and 76ers showed, no incense about it.

Rick Fox can use a haircut anyway. A loss was his condition.

The 76ers have the Answer. The Lakers have a bunch of answers.

What is the question again?

Is Bono planning to donate the proceeds from his $45 T-shirts to the empty stomachs in North Korea or to Sally Struthers?

Struthers can feed a Third World person on 50 cents a year.

The same goes for you, too.

Or U2, whichever is preferable.

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