Fat-cat lawyers on attack against the Big Mac

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I have decided to eat at McDonald's once a day in response to the legal fight being waged against the fast-food industry.

I want to be fat and proud, dripping with cholesterol, and I do not care if this alarms John Banzhaf III, a law professor at George Washington University who is leading the charge against the fast-food industry.

I know a Big Mac is not the best source of nourishment. I know I should be eating 10 apples a day and drinking lots of bottled water.

In fact, a bottle of water is almost a fashion accessory these days.

You are somebody special if you have a cell phone in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.

I do not know how people lived as long as they did back in the old days, back before there were so many enlightened trial lawyers eager to help you make better choices.

My great-grandfather lived to be 101 on his big, old tobacco farm in Southern Maryland, in a stretch of the state that is now considered a suburb. He did not have running water and electricity in his old farmhouse. He drank from a well. The water from it tasted all right.

The outhouse was a little rancid in the summertime. But that is another story. The trial lawyers will not pursue litigation if you have an outhouse on your property. They seem to pick only on big companies with deep pockets.

They are humanitarians with a strong capitalistic streak in them, it seems. They want to help you, while helping themselves.