Can’t tell a book…

“Revolve” comes in cool magenta, rust orange and periwinkle blue and looks like an especially thick “Mademoiselle” or “YM.”

Headlines splashed across the cover include “Beauty Secrets You’ve Never Heard Before!” “Are You Dating a Godly Guy?” and “How to Get Along With Your Mom.”

But unlike other teen mags, this ‘zine isn’t loaded with anything R-rated. Because it’s not really a magazine. It’s a Bible.

But it’s not your mom’s King James Version. Rather, it’s “Cosmo” meets Christ for only $14.99.

“Revolve” is the New Testament in the New Century Version — geared toward a fifth-grade reading level — with added magazinelike features. It’s the latest hip effort to reach teenage girls, with Scriptures sculpted to look like a magazine anyone can stuff in her backpack.

“As you apply your sunscreen,” Revolve advises young readers in the midst of Matthew 3, “use that time to talk to God. Tell him how grateful you are for how he made you. Soon, you’ll be so used to talking to Him, it might become as regular and familiar as shrinking your pores.”

Then there’s “Blab,” a column interspersed with the holy writ.

“I’m nearly 14 and I have never even had a boyfriend,” one question reads. “Am I the only one? All the people in my class must think I’m pathetic!”

Another question: “What about replacement curse words? My church and my parents don’t believe in saying ‘Gosh, darn or dang.’ Is that wrong?”

Calendars also appear in the text. For Nov. 12: “Grace Kelly’s birthday. Be extra feminine today!” For June 30: “Pray for a person of influence. Today is Mike Tyson’s birthday.”

But May 18 — Pope John Paul II’s birthday — is not noted.

Does it sell?

“Not really,” said the saleswoman at a local Family Christian Bookstore that stocks the item. “People really don’t know what it is.”

But Thomas Nelson Publishers, the Nashville, Tenn.-based company that produces “Revolve,” says more than 40,000 copies have been shipped and 50,000 more have been printed since July. On Labor Day weekend, it was No. 47 on the Amazon.com list.

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