Janet and Justin-gate fallout

Last night, I dreamed I had an exclusive interview with Janet Jackson’s bra:

Q. Thank you for agreeing to open up to our audience.

A. You’re welcome. I need the exposure.

Q. The world is waiting to hear the real reason Justin Timberlake exposed Janet Jackson’s right breast in front of a worldwide television audience during the halftime show at the Super Bowl.

A. Justin Timberlake? Talk about boobs… .

Q. Nevertheless, Miss Jackson claims she and Mr. Timberlake planned what she called the “costume reveal,” as she put it, without telling CBS or MTV, which produced the halftime show, and that he was only to expose you — her bra — not her anatomy. So, was it really a “costume malfunction,” as Mr. Timberlake says, or do you have a built-in, breakaway cup?

A. Sorry. I don’t mean to titillate you, but my clips are sealed — like Victoria’s Secret.

Q. Whatever the cause, CBS network apologized, saying, “The moment did not conform to CBS broadcast standards.” Do you feel at all responsible?

A. Oh? They did, did they? And what did “conform” to their “standards” during the Super Bowl? The Bud Lite beer ad with the crotch-biting dog? The ad for Chevy’s new pickup with the swearing schoolchildren? How about that other Bud Lite ad, the one that featured a horse breaking wind in a young woman’s face? Sweet.

And, if you’re looking for something to hide from the kids, how about the commercial for Cialis, the potency drug with its warnings about four-hour erections? What do you say when your child asks, “Daddy, what’s ‘erectile dysfunction?’ ”

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