Please don’t mess this up

Congratulations on overpaying for a bad baseball team, plus the right to help ensure Peter Angelos’ coffers remain full for as long as the Orioles are in Baltimore.

And to think they said it couldn’t be done. Good show.

Anyway, the club is yours, the nonfootball national pastime is back in Washington and all of us appreciate your efforts. You have our undying gratitude, maybe even for a whole year, certainly for a whole week. Give or take a few days.

After that, well, we don’t mean to ask what you have done for us lately. But really — what have you done for us lately?

Don’t get the wrong idea. We’re grateful. But we’ve waited for 33 long years and not for the chance to support the Milwaukee Brewers East. This is the most powerful city in the world (those pyrotechnic Wizards intros tell us so). We expect results. And we want them two days ago since yesterday is already booked.

It’s up to you to deliver.

Think of this as a marriage, baseball and the District. The honeymoon won’t last forever, and when we’re back from Bora Bora, it’s time to get busy. And by busy, we mean the business of you making us happy. Each and every day. ‘Til death — or a better municipal stadium deal — do us part.

Look, we want to make this work. We would hate to send you packing — to Portland, Vegas or, God forbid, back to Montreal. At the same time, we have to protect our interests. Angelos would understand. So you really ought to know what we want and need.

Lucky enough, we’re here to tell you. Only don’t view the following as a prenup. Instead, consider it some practical advice from the blushing bride.

Ready? Here goes:

Please don’t use the color teal, even though it seems to come as part of the major league franchise starter kit. You can do better. We all can do better.

If you must stick with pinstripes, please take a good, hard look at the mid-1990s uniforms of the Orlando Magic and Houston Rockets or the Arizona Diamondbacks’ current duds. Then do the opposite.

Please don’t name the ballclub after a local event of dubious historical significance, such as the 1967 World’s Fair. This means no Washington Cicadas, Million Mom Marchers or Michael Jordan Will Save Our Troubled Youth-ers. What seems like an earthshaking occurrence at breakfast is often forgotten by lunch, even earlier in the case of Steve Spurrier.

Please don’t use the nickname Senators. Forget the D.C. statehood controversy; a name like Senators wouldn’t be fair to the hard-workin’ public servants in the House of Representatives. Who still have some say over baseball’s antitrust exemption. If you catch our drift.

Please don’t name the team Nationals. Republicans in both houses will want it changed to Washington Reagans.

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