Language behind the love

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YOU'RE WEARING THAT: UNDERSTANDING MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS IN CONVERSATION

By Deborah Tannen

Random House, $24.95, 272 pages

Over a decade ago, Deborah Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation" landed on bestseller lists and remained there for nearly five years. With this breakthrough hit, Ms. Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, touched a nerve and validated what many of us believed we knew all along: Men and women speak different languages. Well, you may have muttered then, did we need a book to tell us that?

Now with "You're Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation," Ms. Tannen has turned her attention to same-sexed talkers, creatures who do speak the same language but misunderstand each other nonetheless. And now we ask: Is this a surprise? And, again, do we need a book to enlighten us about this?

For now, at least, let us hear from Ms. Tannen about why we do.

"The relationship between mothers and daughters is the literal 'mother of all relationships.' It is among the most passionate of women's lives, the source of the deepest love and also the deepest anger -- even hate -- that most women experience. It brings us face-to-face with reflections of ourselves and forces us to confront fundamental questions about who we are, who we want to be, and how we relate to others both within and outside our families."

So far, so good. We agree that the relationship in question is important, but how can a book help it improve?

Ms. Tannen writes, "Improving communication between mothers and daughters, much like breaking down barriers between women and men, requires, above all, understanding: seeing the situation from the other's point of view. In this book I provide that understanding as well as concrete suggestions for improving mother-daughter conversations and therefore relationships."