- The Washington Times - Sunday, May 7, 2006

So I’m reading about attention-seeker David Blaine spending a week in a water-filled sphere, and I’m thinking: By the 2012 Olympics, this’ll probably be a demonstration sport.

• • •

Previous Blaine stunts have included being encased in ice for nearly 62 hours, being suspended above London’s Thames River for 44 days in a glass box, spending 35 hours on a 100-foot-high pillar that was only 22 inches wide and watching a Redskins game at FedEx Field from an obstructed-view seat.

• • •

Let’s not overanalyze the Wizards’ playoff loss to the Cavaliers. The biggest reason the Cavs prevailed is that They got to draft LeBron James No. 1 and We got to draft Kwame Brown No. 1. Nothing else even comes close.

• • •

Memo to Ted Lerner: If you do nothing else as owner of the Nationals, try to see to it that a $7 bleacher seat doesn’t wind up costing $15.75.

A fellow I know started to buy a ticket online the other day. When the “convenience” charge ($3.50) and processing fee ($3.50) were tacked on, the price went up to $14. “Then I’m told the recommended method for receiving my tickets is to print them out,” he says. “Is this because they have one high school student working at Will Call? Anyway, that’s another $1.75, which brings me up to $15.75. … Needless to say, I decided to watch the game on MASN, as I am one of the few who get it.

“What a racket.”

• • •

Speaking of the Nats, shoulder surgery will force Cristian Guzman to miss the entire season.

Last year, of course, it was Guzman’s bat that missed the entire season.

• • •

Fortunately, Cristian (.219 average in ‘05) and his replacement, Royce Clayton (.224 through Friday), are practically twins separated at birth.

• • •

David Wells on switching sides in the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry (as quoted by the Boston Globe): “When you put the ‘B’ on and you’re in New York, they’re going to hate you. It happened to me. I went in as a Padre and got a standing ovation. I come in as a Red Sox and I’m the Antichrist.”

• • •

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says he wants two NFL franchises for the Los Angeles area, which was abandoned by the league in 1995. The way Ah-nult looks at it, you can never have too many good weight rooms.

• • •

Actually, the idea makes sense when you stop and think about it. I mean, there are more than enough out-of-work actresses in L.A. to fill two cheerleading squads.

• • •

Clinton Portis, Sean Taylor, Santana Moss and now Rocky McIntosh. Guess Joe Gibbs has gone on the South Beach Diet.

• • •

No joke: Coach Joe is fonder of Miami players than Steve Spurrier was of his Florida guys.

• • •

Rocky McIntosh. Sounds like a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

• • •

On the subject of Portis, No. 26 told WJFK’s Junkies recently that he committed to the Hurricanes while at a strip club — presumably the “entertainment” part of his official recruiting visit. But that ain’t the half of it. Dan Le Batard wrote in the Miami Herald in November that Clinton “had a stripper’s pole in his house in Denver.”

• • •

Then again, he could have been a volunteer fireman.

• • •

News item: Browns trade journeyman Trent Dilfer to the 49ers for Ken Dorsey, a draft pick and cash.

Comment: Do you get the feeling that, by the time he’s done, Dilfer will have a complete collection of NFL clipboards?

• • •

Did you hear about the Ohio U. football player who got charged with smacking a police horse while officers were breaking up a brawl outside a bar?

Mongo lives!

• • •

The player claims he was head-butted by the horse, whose name is Chip. Hard to believe. Now if the horse’s name was Romanowski …

• • •

My friend Robert, the Virginia Tech zealot, says he expects ex-Hokies cornerback Jimmy Williams to play well for the Atlanta Falcons, “if for no other reason than he just bought a $350,000 Lamborghini Murcielago.”

• • •

Hokies, Part 2: Based on the comments coming out of his Dolphins tryout, Marcus Vick’s best chance in the NFL might be as an Antwaan Randle El type.

• • •

One lucky fan will have his name on a NASCAR race next year if he wins a contest sponsored by a distillery. The race, tentatively known as the “Your Name Here 400 presented by Crown Royal,” will be held at Richmond International Raceway. Among other perks, the fan will get to present a trophy to the winning driver in Victory Lane, after which the driver will swing by the fan’s house and tear up his front lawn by spinning around on the grass.

• • •

Kudos to New Jersey, set to become the first state in the country to institute a drug-testing policy for high school athletes.

Say, A.J. Soprano isn’t still playing football at Verbum Dei, is he?

• • •

Potential “Sopranos” episode: Tony’s crew hijacks a truck full of “Original Whizzinators.”

• • •

Special guest star: Victor Conte as himself.

• • •

And finally …

A Duke University committee has recommended that men’s lacrosse be resumed next year. The committee also recommended that the school mascot be changed from a Blue Devil to a tattooed stripper.

LOAD COMMENTS ()

 

Click to Read More

Click to Hide