The Washington Times

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The 1996 Christopher Guest and company mockumentary “Waiting for Guffman” gave us the hilarious absurdity of action figures tied to the chin-stroking, for-intellectuals-only movie “My Dinner With Andre.” Life, as always, is imitating: Witness the availability of Jane Austen action figures (with writing desk accessory and removable quill pen).

McDonald's “Sicko” special— Earn points toward discounted angioplasty with each Big Mac combo meal.

“Spider-Man” arachnophobia cure— Watch all three movies on a perpetual loop, with your eyes peeled open, “Clockwork Orange”-style, until you conquer your fear.

“Happy Feet” pool accessories— Swimmie wings and diapers and inflatable floating devices with an Arctic theme. What says “summertime fun” more than penguins in extreme cold?

French army play set — Lifelike toy soldiers, tanks, rifles and attack vehicles — everything a red-blooded young boy could dream of. White flag most definitely included.

Federal Emergency Management Agency RVs— The first-ever tornado-proof line of RVs and mobile homes. The secret: No one lives in them.

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