POSTCARD FROM LAS VEGAS

GREETINGS FROM SIN CITY, THE PLACE WHERE PAYCHECKS COME TO DIE, RESTAURANTS CAN CHARGE $13.95 FOR TWO SCRAMBLED EGGS AND TOAST, THE WAIT FOR A TAXI CAB FRIDAY NIGHT WAS AN INCREDIBLE 2 HOURS AND THE WAIT FOR ROOM SERVICE AT 3:45 A.M. WAS 90 MINUTES.

FIRST IMPRESSION OF VEGAS: IT PUTS THE “E” IN EXCESS. MORE THAN NEW YORK, NEW ORLEANS AND MIAMI. EVEN MORE THAN THE SUPER BOWL.

AND JUST LIKE THE SUPER BOWL EARLIER THIS MONTH, THE SAME CAST OF CELEBRITIES IS MAKING THE PARTY ROUNDS: JAY-Z, PRINCE, MAGIC JOHNSON, JAMIE FOXX AND, UNFORTUNATELY, CIRQUE DU SOLEIL. THE ENTERTAINMENT FOR TONIGHT’S GAME IS CHRISTINA AGUILERA, TONI BRAXTON, MARY J. BLIGE AND WAYNE NEWTON. NEWTON HAS HAD SO MUCH WORK DONE HIS FACE LOOKS LIKE A WAX FIGURE. KATHARINE MCPHEE DID NOT MAKE THE CUT FOR THIS YEAR’S GAME, EVEN WHEN I OFFERED THE NBA TO PAY FOR HER SOUTHWEST AIRLINE TICKET.

WHILE THE AFOREMENTIONED SINGERS (EXCEPT FOR NEWTON) ARE A-LIST, THE NUMBER OF B-LISTERS PERFORMING ON THE STRIP IS ASTONISHING

WASHED-UP COMICS LIKE LOUIS ANDERSON, GEORGE WALLACE AND RITA RUDNER. THE OVER-THE-TOP SINGING OF CELINE DION. SOMETHING CALLED “THE BLUE MAN GROUP.” LONG-TIME FAVORITE PENN AND TELLER. THE MALE-STRIPPER GROUP “THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER” (I’M GUESSING TIM HARDAWAY WON’T BE ATTENDING THEIR SHOW).

— RYAN O’HALLORAN