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“I knew it was the end of my career,” he told Crowe, “so I asked the clubhouse guy if he had any lighter fluid. I took all my underpants, my jockstrap, shirts and a bunch of other stuff, piled them in the middle of the floor and lit them on fire. And I said goodbye to baseball.”

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Wonder whether the manager summoned his ace reliever to put out the flames.

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Quote of the Week (from Phillies fan Harold Herman, 90, in a Sports Illustrated piece “celebrating” the franchise’s imminent 10,000th loss):

“It figures we got Vince [DiMaggio], not Joe or Dom. When brothers played in the majors, the Phillies usually wound up with the one who produced less. We had Harry Coveleski instead of Stan, Irish Meusel instead of Bob, Frank Torre instead of Joe, Ken Brett instead of George, Mike Maddux instead of Greg, Rick Surhoff instead of B.J. and Jeremy Giambi instead of Jason. If there had been a Zeppo Alou, the Phillies would have signed him.”

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Actor John Turturro has been cast as Howard Cosell (in “Monday Night Mayhem”) and now Billy Martin (in the upcoming ESPN miniseries, “The Bronx Is Burning”). Which got me thinking: Maybe ESPN’s writers could work up a scene in which Cosell interviews Martin — and Turturro plays both parts.

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Hey, why not? Didn’t Woody Allen cross-examine himself — to hysterical effect — in “Bananas”?

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Turturro, I just remembered, also gave a memorable performance as a hotshot Hispanic bowler (Jesus Quintana) in “The Big Lebowski.”

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Former Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis, one of the all-time whack jobs, is selling autographed baseballs for $175 bearing the inscription: “I threw a no-hitter on LSD.”

Dock’s feat was, indeed, amazing — if it actually happened. But I’d still rank it below Roger Federer’s 51 consecutive victories on grass.

Story Continues →