Words like dreadful, awful, terrible, ghastly, wretched, pathetic and horrible were never spoken.
My right arm was never raised to end a performance.
And I drove no one to anger.
I was Paula Abdul for heaven’s sake. Minus the prescription pain-killers, the myriad makeup work and the um, well, Botox treatments, of course. s
For the third consecutive year, the Washington Nationals played host to “Anthem Idol,” a contest to determine who would sing the national anthem at a September home game. I was part of a three-judge panel who selected the winner, Samuel Waters, 14, of Falls Church.
Even though I was technically sitting in Simon’s chair, my performance in his shoes was woeful.
After each of the 42 performances, the same things left my mouth, things that I had heard Paula say each Wednesday night for six years.
Everybody did a nice job, I would say. Everybody had great stage presence, I would add. Everybody sounded great, I would stress.
Before delving into the competition, some background: I watch “American Idol.” I don’t start watching until the final 24 singers are chosen, because I don’t need to see the bad singers. And to brag, I have a knack for identifying early on who will be among the finalists. Two years ago, I immediately selected Katharine McPhee as the top female (she was). This year, I pegged Jordin Sparks early on. And she won the grand prize, defeating Blake Lewis, aka Beat Box Boy.
With that in mind, when one of my editors pitched the “Anthem Idol” story idea to me last week, I said yes on one condition: I should be a judge. That would provide for a better story. A few e-mails later, and I was on the panel with Tom Davis, the Nationals’ entertainment coordinator, and Angela Calo, a local singer.
This is what I expected: A bunch of little children. A slew of fingernails-on-the-chalkboard performances. A hard time keeping myself from providing Simon-like commentary and an easy time selecting the winner.
What I got: Singers of all ages. Few bad performances. And plenty of impressive talent.
The 42 contestants — about twice as many as I expected — performed songs made famous (or not so famous) by the likes of Alicia Keys and John Legend, Faith Hill and the Temptations, Beyonce and Marie Osmond as well as songs from former “American Idol”-turned chart-toppers Chris Daughtry and Kelly Clarkson and something called “Hannah Montana” (a TV show, I think). The song selections surprised me a little bit. I thought there would be more current tunes; I’m not a big gospel guy at all so those songs were almost entirely unrecognizable.
But despite the song choice, here’s the thing: It wasn’t that bad. Even if I wanted to rip a performance (which wasn’t allowed), I would have been hard-pressed.