In image hierarchy, alpha male has muscle

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For a mere $10,000, the handy dandy BecomeAlpha executive training company will turn anyone into an alpha male. Its workshops include "Evolution, Genetics and the Meaning of Life" and "Working With the Nature of Reality." A whole new id is practically guaranteed.

"It's hard-core boot camp for those tired of complacency and mediocrity and willing to actually do something about it other than complain," explained Darryl Pierce, spokesman for the California-based group.

"The politically correct 'everybody's a winner' mentality has clouded the fact that the alpha types will always rise to the top and be the most successful. It's a cold, hard reality that many don't want to accept, but it's true," Mr. Pierce said before throwing a spear, pounding his chest and eating a 16-ounce steak.

"The guys in this company teach people how to embrace alpha-male traits to help them reach significantly higher levels of business success, profitability, renown and personal happiness," he added.

Perhaps the proverbial alpha male is present on other planes of human existence.

Surely it was an Alfalfa male on the old "Our Gang" comedies of yore. It had to be an elfa male in "The Lord of the Rings" and an alpha hydroxy male among dermatologists. The Alpha Centauri male might climb the ranks at the nearest observatory, while Alfie male, Alka male and maybe Alpo male have distinct possibilities. And why not alpaca male for men who favor scratchy suits?

Yes, well.

Mr. Pierce points out that 75 percent of the nation's top executives and half of all middle managers have been characterized as classic alpha males by no less than Harvard University's School of Business. He guarantees that BecomeAlpha does not require its candidates to get in touch with their inner anything, "love the inner you" or "be a team player."

All of this might be of interest to Al Gore, recently deemed the dean of the "proto beta males" by Newsweek magazine. Ah, the beta male, that nonthreatening also-ran who neither trumpets in the forest nor monopolizes the remote control. Newsweek writer Jennie Yabroff contends that the beta male is the man of the hour because everybody is sick of alpha males. The nation is rooting for Shrek, not Mel Gibson, apparently.

"Our culture is embracing the mojo-free man right now," Miss Yabroff noted last month. "As America comes to terms with our diminished omnipotence in the wake of 9/11, the Iraq war and President Bush's international unpopularity, we're growing weary of the Teflon-coated John Wayne stereotypes of masculinity."