- The Washington Times - Friday, June 29, 2007

If Angelina Jolie fell down in a forest, and no one was there to hear it, would she still make a sound? What a question. Of course she would — because Angelina Jolie is the forest. As former Wall Street Journal reporter Asra Nomani noted in a recent Washington Post essay, Miss Jolie’s role in “The Mighty Heart” as the wife of slain journalist Daniel Pearl is so dominant that “Danny himself had been cut from his own story.” Imagine how ravenously Miss Jolie might gobble these stories:

JFK— Forget about conspiracy theories, missile crises or the dysfunctional dynamic of the Kennedy clan. Miss Jolie’s Jackie (natch) wouldn’t just decorate the White House. She’d run it.

The Darwins— A movie about the revolutionary scientific work of naturalist Charles Darwin or the famous voyage of the Beagle? Save that for the Discovery Channel. Instead, Miss Jolie plays Darwin’s long-suffering cousin and wife Emma Wedgwood in a film that focuses solely on her role as caretaker to her frequently ill husband.

Babe Ruth— Movies about baseball heroes don’t really need all the baseball, do they? Besides, who isn’t familiar with the Bambino’s exploits, on and off the field? Miss Jolie gives us the untold story of Ruth’s first wife, Helen Woodford, who spent much of the 1920s separated from her husband before dying tragically in a house fire.

The McCartneysMiss Jolie has sported blond hair before, and after the Heather Mills fiasco, Paul McCartney’s fans are just waiting for a movie that skirts Macca in favor of his muse. Happily, as the late Linda McCartney, Miss Jolie wouldn’t even need piano lessons.

Mary— You know the Mary of whom we speak. The one from the Bible. She had a famous son. But that’s not important right now.