- The Washington Times - Sunday, May 6, 2007

News item: The NFL is thinking of turning its college draft into a three-day event, with the first round being held in prime time on Friday.

Comment: Good thing they didn’t do that this year. Brady Quinn might have had to sleep over.

• • •

According to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, “some NFL officials believe it would be a good idea to give teams time to decompress before Round 2 [which would be held Saturday].”

Let me get this straight: Players get 30 minutes to decompress before the second half of the Super Bowl, but general managers need A Good Night’s Sleep before tackling the second round of the draft?

• • •

Speaking of Quinn, Joe Theismann had some harsh words for his fellow Notre Damer last week, calling him “unprofessional” for showing up on stage with soggy hair, rumpled clothes and gum in his mouth. “It looked like his tie was the first time he ever tried to tie one,” Joe T. said. “It looked like his hair, he had just walked out of a shower.”

By the way, Joe, has anyone told you lately that you … look … mahvelous?”

Seriously, when did Theismann become the Ricardo Montalban of pro football?

• • •

Any other tips you’d like to pass on, Joe — like about flossing, for instance?

• • •

What Theismann forgets is that the players of his era — the Mesozoic — didn’t have to deal with these pressures. When he was drafted in the fourth round by the Dolphins in 1971, hardly anybody was paying attention. Heck, Mel Kiper, age 10, didn’t even know how to thread a projector yet.

• • •

Elsewhere in the NFL, the Bears’ Tank Johnson pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor weapons charge and was ordered to serve 45 days in jail.

Forty-five days … what, one for every caliber?

• • •

Police found six unregistered firearms when they raided Johnson’s home in December. His lawyers must have argued that the other five shouldn’t count because they were “only on his practice squad.”

• • •

But that was hardly the end of the Bears’ troubles last week. After they drafted tight end Greg Olsen in the first round, Chicagoans were reminded that he and some Miami teammates had recorded a graphic, misogynistic rap song when he was a freshman.

“After listening to all 8 minutes and 56 seconds of this unbelievably disgusting rap, I was shaking in anger and shock,” the Chicago Tribune’s Carol Slezak wrote.

If you think that’s disgusting, Carol, wait till you see Olsen try to run-block.

• • •

How great is it to be an NFL player — any NFL player? Well, Pamela Anderson reportedly has a new squeeze and it’s … David Binn, the Chargers’ long snapper.

Sorry, but I’m not even going to touch that one …

• • •

“He’s exactly how I wanted my man to be,” the erstwhile “Baywatch” babe told OK! magazine.

I’m not gonna touch that one, either.

• • •

All I can say is: Trevor Matich, you retired waaaay too soon.

• • •

Actually, there’s one other thing I can say: If a long snapper can date Pamela Anderson, then there’s hope for the guy who runs out on the field to pick up the tee.

• • •

Number of the Week: 22.

Past or present NFL quarterbacks ranked in Golf Digest’s Top 100 athlete-golfers.

The list (in descending order of ability): Chris Chandler (T-8), Trent Dilfer (T-8), Billy Joe Tolliver (T-8), Brett Favre (15), Steve Bartkowski (T-21), John Elway (T-21), Theismann (27), Mark Rypien (T-36), Dan Marino (T-43), Tony Romo (T-43), Terry Bradshaw (54), Troy Aikman (T-61), Peyton Manning (T-63), Kyle Boller (67), Marc Bulger (T-73), Carson Palmer (T-73), Neil Lomax (79), Steve Beuerlein (80), Steve Spurrier (T-84), Drew Brees (T-88), David Carr (T-91), Boomer Esiason (T-100).

• • •

Number of the Week, Part Deux: 50.

The difference, in runs, between Franklin High School’s first loss to Woodinville (Wash.) in girls softball this season and its second loss. The scores were 64-0 on March 21 and 14-0 on May 1.

• • •

Of course, the Woodinville pitcher did throw a perfect game in the rematch. …

• • •

Franklin coach Corky Davis told the Seattle Times: “Nobody on our team really even felt bad [about the Big Blowout] until the media and parents and everybody started making this ‘Oh my God’ issue about it. … These kids were singing on the bus on the way home.”

What were they singing, “A Hundred Bottles of Hemlock on the Wall”?

• • •

The study accusing NBA referees of being biased against blacks — “revealed” last week by the New York Times — has provoked some interesting comment. The funniest riff of all, though, might have come from Phil Mushnick of the New York Post.

“During the late ‘60s,” he wrote, “near the end of the first half or close to the ends of games, Knicks coach Red Holzman would send in a white guard, Mike Riordan, just to give a foul or two. It’s what Riordan did for a living. During the 1968-69 season, Riordan, in 397 minutes, committed 93 fouls.

“The poor guy; today he’d be denied an NBA livelihood because he’s white and white refs are less likely to call fouls on white players. Holzman would have had to release him for not getting the job done.”

• • •

Here’s hoping the words “Allen Iverson” and “franchise player” have appeared in the same sentence for the last time. Iverson got his big chance this season, got to play alongside Carmelo Anthony in Denver, and the results speak for themselves: In the Nuggets’ five-game wipeout against the Spurs in the first round of the playoffs, the Ringless Wonder shot 36.8 percent (down from 44.2 in the regular season) and averaged a mere 5.8 assists (down from 7.2), 0.6 rebounds (down from 3.0) and 1.4 steals (down from 1.9).

All this talk about Iverson reinventing himself, subjugating his game to Anthony’s, turned out to be so much balderdash. Once the playoff bell rang, he hogged the ball like the AI of old. Consider: During the regular season, only once did he take 20 or more shots in consecutive games when ‘Melo was in the lineup (March 17 and 20). Against San Antonio, though, he did it in all five games (22, 25, 20, 25, 22). When your point guard is shooting 36.8 percent and jacking up 114 shots, and your leading scorer is shooting 48 percent and getting off only 98 shots, you’ve got a problem.

• • •

Iverson, I’ve decided, is the Pete Maravich of his generation — utterly breathtaking individual skills, but a planet without moons (if you know what I mean).

• • •

And finally …

Did you read about that boutique owned by Vlade Divac getting sued in California for selling counterfeit Gucci products?

It probably won’t help Divac’s case any that he spent his entire NBA career trying to sell counterfeit charging fouls to officials.

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