- The Washington Times - Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Answers compiled and condensed by Kelly Jane Torrance, who also wrote the questions.

I just turned 50, and all I can think about is how I look. Sure, I’ve broken boundaries and broken records, but none of that seems to matter to me when I look in the mirror. I’ve done my best to look like I did 30 years ago. Some people say I look preternaturally preserved. Now I’m starting to wonder if that look is a little scary. Does a larger-than-life figure like me need to look human?

- Madonna

Dear Madonna,

Nature gives you the face you have at 20. Life shapes the face you have at 30. But at 50, you get the face you deserve.

- Coco Chanel

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. She already was really famous for being dumped, so the gossip columnists are all over this one. Just like with her previous break-up, everyone seems to be on her side. The tabloids are actually accusing me of having cheated on her. (Now I’m really wishing I hadn’t drawn such attention to the relationship by chatting up every paparazzo I could find.)

They don’t believe me when I say I just wanted to be alone and didn’t want to waste her time. Is that such a crazy reason for ending a relationship?

- John Mayer

Dear John,

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers.

- Henry David Thoreau

I’m running for office, and this election season is proving tougher than I thought. I really should have been the one to win the nomination eight years ago. I’ve always been more experienced, and I was less old and wrinkly then.

Instead of facing off against an easy target, as I would have back then, I have a pretty boy to worry about. But it seems that I’m not allowed to point that out. Some columnist in Time magazine accused me of “running a TMZ campaign” just because my campaign produced an ad pointing out what a celebrity my opponent is. It’s true that some people are telling me that because Americans like celebrities so much, it might not have been a wise move to remark on how much people all over the world love my celebrity opponent. But is it really necessary to run a campaign solely on the issues?

- John McCain

Dear John,

The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving you are unworthy of winning.

- Adlai E. Stevenson

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