MS. VICKI: Abuse victim has 2 problems

By Vicki Johnson | Thursday, December 4, 2008

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Dear Ms. Vicki: I'm still a victim of my father's cheating. He was very abusive toward my mother when I was growing up. I played with children in my neighborhood and went to school with them but later discovered they were my half-siblings.

Until recently, I had no relationship with my dad for years. Now we are trying to work on our relationship, and he has apologized to me for his past actions.

However, I married a woman who seems to be like my father. She is a manipulator and a liar and is verbally abusive to me. We have a daughter together, but my mother tells me I should have paternity testing done. I won't do this because it doesn't matter what the tests say, she will always be my daughter.

I'm just tired of living like this. I've tried and tried to make my wife happy, but there's nothing I can do to please her. My rank isn't high enough, the house I purchased is not large enough, the new car doesn't go fast enough, I don't kiss her right, and my fingers don't give good massages. I could go on and on.

I don't know why I stay. Why don't I just leave and be with someone who will love and appreciate me? I feel as if I have become my mother, and I married someone who is just like my father. I've contemplated leaving many times, but I just don' want to lose my wife.

Please help me Ms. Vicki, I need some advice.

- SGT Nobody

Dear SGT:

Thanks for writing and sharing this personal part of your life. I must say, you have repeated a familiar family cycle. You grew up surrounded by chaos, and instead of choosing a life with someone who could provide solace, you chose turmoil.

I can´t tell you to leave or stay. However, from your report, it doesn´t sound as if there is anything you can do to make your wife happy. Moreover, it doesn´t sound as if she is a woman who loves and appreciates you for all your hard work.

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