- The Washington Times - Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Advice compiled and condensed from actual sources by Kelly Jane Torrance, who composed the questions.

Woo hoo! I did it! The jurors may have thought it was me on that tape, but they had to admit there simply wasn’t enough evidence to convict. What I’m most interested in now, besides a digital video camera with password protection, is how my next album is going to sell. It should be out in July. Is that enough time for the hubbub over these accusations to die down? After all, I was found not guilty.

- R. Kelly

Dear R.,

Glass, china and reputation are easily cracked and never well mended. It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation and only one bad one to lose it.

- Benjamin Franklin

One of my earliest works was my most successful. I made some pretty good films after that, though. You could say they were variations on a theme. Like most artists, though, I got tired of bringing people the expected - even if the expected was, in this case, the unexpected. So for my last couple of films, I dropped the thing that had been the hallmark of my work. But people seem to miss those twist endings I was so good at. Must I pander to my public even at the cost of my creative growth? Are those signature twists the only thing that can get me back on Hollywood power lists and keep my name above the title on movie posters?

- M. Night Shyamalan

Dear M. Night,

With the drawing of this Love and the voice of this Calling / We shall not cease from exploration / And the end of all our exploring / Will be to arrive where we started / and know the place for the first time.

- T.S. Eliot

We just can’t seem to stay away from each other. We were married after a whirlwind courtship, but the union didn’t last. We just kept breaking up and getting back together, breaking up and getting back together. We were worse than Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. In fact, one of us has been married twice more since we divorced. Anyway, we’ve moved back in together and things seem to be going really well. Should we think about retying the knot?

- Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson

Dear Tommy and Pam,

A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

- Dr. Samuel Johnson

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