OUT OF CONTEXT: Walk, do not run, to the nearest exit. Yeah, right!

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Should Congress make English the official language of the U.S.?

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My biological clock is ticking. Oh, my bad. That’s my stomach.


Did you know it’s illegal to wear a mask and enter a bank and pretend to hold it up for candy on Halloween?

Live and learn.


You know, in the right light, when you tilt your head just so and squint, you look just like Pee-Wee Herman.


Televation — the ability to stand in front of a bank of elevators and correctly predict which one will open for you


I was at the mall and sat down in one of those massage chairs. For a dollar, you can get a three-minute massage.

I had five singles. That was the best 15 minutes of my life. It was like a perfect relationship.

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About the Author
Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant is the assistant managing editor for strategic planning and development/special projects for The Washington Times. He previously served as The Times’ Metropolitan desk editor, Features desk editor and an assistant National desk editor, as well as a National and Metropolitan reporter. He currently writes a humor blog and weekly humor column — both titled “Out of Context” — ...

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