OUT OF CONTEXT: Walk, do not run, to the nearest exit. Yeah, right!

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Should Congress make English the official language of the U.S.?

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My biological clock is ticking. Oh, my bad. That’s my stomach.

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Did you know it’s illegal to wear a mask and enter a bank and pretend to hold it up for candy on Halloween?

Live and learn.

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You know, in the right light, when you tilt your head just so and squint, you look just like Pee-Wee Herman.

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Televation — the ability to stand in front of a bank of elevators and correctly predict which one will open for you

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I was at the mall and sat down in one of those massage chairs. For a dollar, you can get a three-minute massage.

I had five singles. That was the best 15 minutes of my life. It was like a perfect relationship.

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About the Author
Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant is the assistant managing editor for strategic planning and development/special projects for The Washington Times. He previously served as The Times’ Metropolitan desk editor, Features desk editor and an assistant National desk editor, as well as a National and Metropolitan reporter. He currently writes a humor blog and weekly humor column — both titled “Out of Context” — ...

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