- The Washington Times - Sunday, November 9, 2008

You know why our economy is tanking? It’s because the Mint has made our money look so lame.

Nobody can take our currency seriously. The more they try to make it impossible to counterfeit, the more they make it look like play money.

The other day I got a Coke and paid for it with a $5 bill that looked like it had been drawn by my 6-year-old neighbor.

The clerk tried to give me change for a twenty with money that had the Monopoly guy’s picture on it.


This guy told me he was having an identity crisis and was going to … no, wait. That was me.


Failed movie idea: One ballerina’s journey of self-discovery beginning with her departure from a famed city in Timbuktu to Tutu in a Tutu.”


When exactly did it become OK for guys to wear their shirttails out ALL the time?

Was there a memo? Did they make a special announcement on TV? Was I in the bathroom?

I remember first seeing the shirttail-out look years ago only with guys wearing jeans, and then it was with guys wearing sport coats.

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