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Five hundred touchdown passes. If Chad Johnson ever did something like that, he’d change his name to Chad Cinco Cero Cero.

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Number of the Week: 17.

(How many personal foul penalties Cardinals safety Adrian Wilson drew from 2001 through last season, the most in the NFL.)

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Wilson was fined $25,000 last week for a hit that left Bills quarterback Trent Edwards with a concussion and knocked him out of the game in the first quarter.

Then again, it’s always possible Edwards was faking the concussion. Right, Chris and Langdon?

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The lawyers for O.J. Simpson are seeking a new trial, hoping to reverse his conviction on robbery and kidnapping charges. Documents filed by his defense team Friday cited judicial errors, insufficient evidence and the lack of an opportunity to try on a bloody glove.

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I wouldn’t be surprised, too, if his team has come up with a surprise witness. Not to worry, though: The hotel register has been checked and double-checked, and there’s no record of the adjacent room ever being occupied by Kato Kaelin.

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When the Celtics hand out their championship rings before the Oct. 28 home opener, one of the recipients will be Bob Cousy, their Hall of Fame point guard and, in recent years, occasional TV analyst.

According to the Worcester (Mass.) Telegram, “Cousy played for the first six of the franchise’s 17 championship teams, but received only one ring and it was stolen from his home in the 1980s.”

Coach/GM/bus driver Red Auerbach designed the purloined ring, the Cooz told the Telegram. “His brother was in the jewelry business, so we got a deal.”

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