- The Washington Times - Sunday, October 12, 2008

Did you hear about the radio talk show hosts in Minneapolis who said they were convinced that Magic Johnson “faked AIDS”?

In Monday’s show, I hear, they’re going to suggest that Lou Gehrig didn’t really have Lou Gehrig’s disease.

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Here’s what’s really funny: One of the clowns in question, Chris Baker, won an Achievement in Radio Award when he was in Houston. It was presented by the March of Dimes.

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The Minneapolis station, KTLK, plans to make amends by airing HIV/AIDS awareness public service announcements. It also issued a statement saying, “We regret … [Baker’s and Langdon Perry’s] offhand remarks. But, hey, at least they didn’t refer to Magic as ‘nappy-headed.’ ”

(OK, I made that second part up.)

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Brett Favre has been a New York Jet for just four games, and already coach Eric Mangini is naming his newborn son Zack Brett Mangini. Of course, Zack was born on Brett’s birthday, Oct. 10.

Which raises the question: What if he were born Oct. 24 - the birthday of another famous New York quarterback, Yelberton Abraham Tittle?

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Speaking of Favre, after his six-touchdown day against the Cardinals two weeks ago, I’m beginning to think he has a shot at 500 TD passes. (He currently has 454.) Heck, 500 is 200 more than John Elway threw - and nearly matches the combined total of Joe Montana and Steve Young (505).

It also exceeds the collective efforts of Troy Aikman, Roger Staubach and Joe Namath (491).

(I’ll stop now.)

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Five hundred touchdown passes. If Chad Johnson ever did something like that, he’d change his name to Chad Cinco Cero Cero.

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Number of the Week: 17.

(How many personal foul penalties Cardinals safety Adrian Wilson drew from 2001 through last season, the most in the NFL.)

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Wilson was fined $25,000 last week for a hit that left Bills quarterback Trent Edwards with a concussion and knocked him out of the game in the first quarter.

Then again, it’s always possible Edwards was faking the concussion. Right, Chris and Langdon?

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The lawyers for O.J. Simpson are seeking a new trial, hoping to reverse his conviction on robbery and kidnapping charges. Documents filed by his defense team Friday cited judicial errors, insufficient evidence and the lack of an opportunity to try on a bloody glove.

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I wouldn’t be surprised, too, if his team has come up with a surprise witness. Not to worry, though: The hotel register has been checked and double-checked, and there’s no record of the adjacent room ever being occupied by Kato Kaelin.

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When the Celtics hand out their championship rings before the Oct. 28 home opener, one of the recipients will be Bob Cousy, their Hall of Fame point guard and, in recent years, occasional TV analyst.

According to the Worcester (Mass.) Telegram, “Cousy played for the first six of the franchise’s 17 championship teams, but received only one ring and it was stolen from his home in the 1980s.”

Coach/GM/bus driver Red Auerbach designed the purloined ring, the Cooz told the Telegram. “His brother was in the jewelry business, so we got a deal.”

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Yet another basketball violation at Southeast Missouri State - the second in three months - has resulted in the athletic director being fired and the men’s coach being put on administrative leave.

Of course, you have to understand, these guys are under a lot of pressure - Southeast Missouri having such a glorious hoops tradition and all. I mean, the school even made the NCAA tournament one year (in 2005, losing in the first round).

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Memo to the Infractions Committee: Haven’t they suffered enough? They’re Southeast Missouri State, for goodness sakes.

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Little-known fact: When the Yankees’ Mike Mussina and the Red Sox’s Daisuke Matsuzaka squared off on the last day of the regular season, more was at stake than the first 20-win season of Moose’s illustrious career. Matsuzaka also stood to make some history - by losing.

Dice-K, you see, went into the game with an 18-2 record. A no-decision, naturally, would have left him at 18-2 - the same mark Randy Johnson posted for the Mariners in 1995. A win would have left him at 19-2 - the same mark Greg Maddux posted for the Braves in ‘95. But because he lost, Matsuzaka became the first pitcher in major league history to finish 18-3.

And you can look it up.

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That’s why you’re perfectly within your rights, as Dice-K is walking the bases loaded in Game 1 of the ALCS, to say, “He’s the worst 18-3 pitcher in history.”

He IS the worst 18-3 pitcher in history. He’s also the best 18-3 pitcher in history - because he’s the only 18-3 pitcher in history.

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Excerpt from SportsMediaGuide.com’s interview with San Francisco Chronicle sports columnist Gwen Knapp (Steve Marantz doing the asking):

Q: “You’re one of the few columnists who claim to like synchronized swimming. Okay, name the five greatest moments in synchronized swimming.”

A: “1-U.S. women win first Olympic gold for eight-woman routine in ‘96.

“2-The Canadians’ Chariots of Fire routine in Sydney, where they acted out different Olympic sports. The cycling segment was amazing. And no sequins on their costumes!

“3-Bill May competing at nationals, with full support of the women.

“4-The 90-year-old who performed to ‘Little Old Lady from Pasadena’ at the World Masters in Palo Alto [Calif.] two years ago.”

“5-Solo synchro gets booted from the Olympics.”

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And finally …

So I’m reading about Kimbo Slice getting stopped in 14 seconds by a last-minute replacement, and I’m thinking: Doesn’t it hurt, just a bit, the credibility of mixed martial arts when its rising star looks like A Guy Who Couldn’t Win A Bar Fight?