Madonna’s kids in middle of divorce drama

The Madonna divorce drama is not yet a week old, and already the diva may have broken rule No. 1 of having a civilized and amicable split: Don’t badmouth your spouse in front of the kids.

Last week, in front of tens of thousands of fans at a Boston concert, the diva introduced her song “Miles Away” with what was interpreted widely as a none-too-subtle gibe at her estranged husband - father of two children with her and stepfather to a third - Guy Ritchie: “This song is for the emotionally retarded. Maybe you know some people who fall into that category. I know I do.”

Despite widespread belief that Madonna’s barb was aimed at Mr. Ritchie, the star’s publicist, Liz Rosenberg, tells The Washington Times that Madonna “definitely was not talking about her husband” when she made those remarks.

Public vituperation of a spouse might afford a momentary sense of catharsis, but it carries with it serious risks to children - who may be emotionally damaged - and offending parents, who may unwittingly undermine their legal positions in child-custody or adoption proceedings.

“When a divorcing spouse makes public vulgar, insulting and humiliating comments about the other, children are devastated and tend to either compulsively go toward the attacked party to defend them or compulsively go toward the attacking parent so they won’t be identified negatively with the attacked parent,” said popular marriage and family therapist, author and radio host Laura Schlessinger, aka Dr. Laura, to The Washington Times when asked about Madonna’s comments.

“Either which way, children become emotionally fragmented, confused and distrustful … and that will be an issue for their whole lives when they are ready to establish relationships,” she says.

Actor Alec Baldwin, who recently had his own celebrity divorce drama, may know how Mr. Ritchie feels. In his new book, “A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce,” Mr. Baldwin devotes an entire chapter to parental alienation syndrome, in which one parent - usually the custodial mother - badmouths the noncustodial parent - usually the father - to such an extent that it affects the father’s relationship with his child.

“A mother that is attempting to alienate a child from the child’s father sends signals to the child,” he writes. “These signals are not only that nearly any love for or loyalty toward the father is an act of betrayal, but also that the child is significantly responsible for the mother’s emotional well-being. The child knows, instinctively, that it has little choice but to please the custodial parent. The child’s very life becomes, in a sense, about pleasing the alienating parent.”

The British tabloid press is ready for a soap opera.

Madonna has hired Fiona Shackleton, who represented singer Paul McCartney in his expensive divorce from Heather Mills. Mr. Ritchie has retained Lady Helen Ward, the lawyer who won Britain’s biggest divorce settlement (more than 120 million pounds, or almost $203.6 million, for the ex-wife of an insurance magnate).

Both Lady Ward and Ms. Shackleton declined, through assistants, to comment for this article.

U.K. press reports have said that the couple, whose worth is estimated to be upward of 300 million British pounds (almost $509 million) may not make headlines fighting over the money. Those sources said Mr. Ritchie likely will settle for a lump sum and a division of their properties.

What probably will be the juicer - and sadder - battle will be for the futures of the children: Lourdes, 12, whose father is personal trainer Carlos Leon; Rocco, 8; and David Banda, 3, whom Madonna and her husband adopted from Malawi two years ago.

If Madonna seeks to take the children to live in the United States, it could get particularly ugly.

“Since they have been raised and educated in the U.K., she will need their father’s agreement to this, in default of which she will need to apply to the courts,” British attorney Joanna Grandfield told the Independent, a British newspaper. “However, unless he has parental responsibility for Lourdes, he will not be able to influence decisions as to where she will live or be schooled in the way that he can for Rocco and Madonna and his adopted son, David. This exemplifies the difficulties faced by many stepparents on the breakdown of their marriages, be they pop superstars or ordinary men on the street.”

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