- The Washington Times - Sunday, April 12, 2009

When you learn a foreign language, one of the first things they teach you is how to ask, “Where is the library?”

Why do they do that? I don’t want to go to a library where the books are in a language I can’t read.

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CBS is planning to pull the plug on its long-running soap opera “Guiding Light,” which has been on the air for 72 years.

For those of you attempting the math, the show started before television was born. It began as a 15-minute radio serial on NBC called “The Guiding Light” in 1937 and jumped to CBS-TV in 1952.

According to the Guinness Book, it is the longest-running TV drama, with more than 15,700 episodes. Its last episode is set to air in September.

Wow. Seventy-two years of fake deaths, evil twins, false pregnancies and amnesia. What will they do for an encore?

CBS is seeking to fill the show’s 60-minute time slot with something less expensive to produce — but still classy. Maybe a talk show hosted by Rosie O’Donnell?

The thing is “Guiding Light” is just so dated. It needs a makeover, maybe change its name to “Compact Fluorescent Tube.” That’s much more hip. And energy efficient.

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I was out the other day when I saw one of those new Smart cars — you know, those little fuel-efficient, eco-friendly cars that look like they should be started with a wind-up key. Well, don’t underestimate them.

The car I saw really surprised me with how much power it had. It kept up with me the entire time. It never passed me, but it kept up with me.

Of course, I was walking — but it was still an impressive demonstration of horsepower, which in the Smart car is generated by happy hamsters.

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