- The Washington Times - Friday, April 24, 2009

Just when it seemed none of Amy Winehouse’s antics could surprise us anymore, she comes out with a real doozy. A source says the troubled singer wants to become the “Angelina Jolie of St. Lucia” and adopt a child from the Caribbean island. If true, Miss Winehouse is going to have to do a lot of rehab first to pass that home study.

1. Have you securely locked your crack pipe away? — Cleaning fluids and medicines aren’t all that can harm a curious child. That pipe could be a choking hazard.

2. Do you plan to start stocking food in the fridge? — You might have come to terms with your eating disorder, but a growing child needs more than cigarettes and coffee to live.

3. Will you continue taking out your anger on friends and fans? — Your violent behavior might land you in the dock again — but that could keep you from harming a little munchkin who, unlike your estranged husband, can’t fight back.

4. Will you start making friends at the embassies? — Perhaps the best education a wealthy woman like you can give a child is a view of the entire world. That will be tough if your visas keep being denied.

5. Do you have a good life insurance policy? — We just want to make sure that the child is assured of a good future in the, ummm, unlikely event of your death.

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