Top 5: More ridiculous teachers than Tony Danza

With Tony Danza heading to Philadelphia to teach high school English as part of a new reality television show, we got to wondering which celebrities would make worse teachers.

1. Benicio Del Toro, Latin American Studies — The producer and star of “Che” seems comfortable propagating feel-good myths about the Cuban revolution’s political murders. “They didn’t do it blindly, they found them guilty and they executed them — that’s capital punishment,” he told this newspaper’s Sonny Bunch. Since when did show trials count as legitimate legal exercises?

2. Steve Buscemi, Epidemiology — When our Liz Glover asked him on the red carpet at the TriBeCa Film Festival about the swine flu outbreak, the ubiquitous character actor admitted, “I don’t know what you’re talking about” and asked, “Should we be worried here?”

3. Keanu Reeves, Philosophy — Learn the Tao of Whoa With Professor Reeves: Using “The Matrix” and “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” as a guide, study the principles of causality and awesomeness with the blank-faced actor. Bonus sections are available on Buddha’s philosophical journey, following his seminal text “Little Buddha.”

4. Britney Spears, Religious Studies — Ms. Spears’ grasp of Kabbalah, the mystical Jewish cult, was less than total. “I read the Kabbalah books and I meditate on them,” she told Elle, adding that “they are all in Hebrew. I don’t understand everything. But it’s kind of OK that you don’t.” Just wait for her insights into Catholicism: “So then Jesus kind of died but he didn’t because he was part of the Trinity. Don’t worry about that part, it’s not too big of a deal.”

5. Gwyneth Paltrow, Psychology — “I like living [in England] because I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology,” Ms. Paltrow once said. “The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.” Included in the “bad side” of the American psyche is its constant mockery of awful celebrity newsletters, like our new professor’s “GOOP.”