- The Washington Times - Sunday, August 2, 2009

Astronomers say that something huge has slammed into Jupiter and left a “scar” as big as the Earth.

I’m thinking that no one has seen John Goodman lately. Coincidence?

According to the Times of London, an amateur astronomer in England first spotted the mark on Jupiter and alerted NASA officials, who apparently were watching “Deep Impact” at the time.

Whatever hit Jupiter, I just hope Lindsay Lohan wasn’t behind the wheel. Because that would be her third strike.


There was a report out last week that researchers have duplicated parts of a rat brain from lab data and say that a functioning artificial brain could be built within 10 years.

I’m just wondering what kind of market there is for artificial rat brains.

A key researcher said that a synthetic brain will help scientists understand mental disorders.

This is good news for me because I think I violated the warranty on the original one I was given. (Hey, it was the early ‘70s!)

And to think that the Scarecrow settled for a diploma. What a chump!


The Times of London reported that the Anglican Church has introduced a combination wedding-and-baptism liturgy to encourage marriage in Britain, where 40 percent of children are born out of wedlock.

Senior bishops say the “hatch and match” service does not veer from church teachings, but some clergy disapprove.

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