Inside the Beltway

SICK WICK

Holy smokes. That clandestine tryst between politico and paramour may never be the same again. Candlelight dinners - the flickering flame, that delicate glow - are an unrecognized source of indoor air pollution. Really. The American Chemical Society announced Wednesday that “emission products of petroleum-based candles in nonventilated enclosed areas” produce evocative ambience - and known human carcinogens.

Somebody notify Al Gore, and maybe Ralph Nader.

“Lighting many paraffin candles every day for years or lighting them frequently in an un-ventilated bathroom around a tub, for example, may cause problems,” says Ruhullah Massoudi, a chemistry professor at South Carolina State University who analyzed all those nasty airborne things and suggests chichi beeswax or soy candles as a healthier alternative.

Oh joy. The eco-minded now have a new source of guilt. The green police have a new target. And now that candles are officially scary, surely those romantic suppers - or the journalist intent on wooing a source at some dim table - have been compromised.

Or not.

“I counter that science with more science. Candles also produce negative ions, and negative ions are associated with a sense of well-being and happiness. Negative ions, positive vibes - what’s not to like?” asks Philip Gates, general manager of Charlie Palmer Steak, a handsome eatery within a block of the U.S. Capitol.

The candles at Charlie Palmer lie low on the table, snug in their spring-loaded stainless steel holders with steel mesh tops. And the candles are staying.

“They’re not going anywhere. And you can’t really see the actual candles anyway,” Mr. Gates says.

COMIC RELIEF

Well, why not? Larry Klayman, the veritable gadfly of the Clinton administration, has become a gladfly instead. Mr. Klayman - attorney and founder of Judicial Watch and Freedom Watch, master of the strategic FOIA request and tenacious lawsuit - is now a stand-up comedian. He is appearing at the Funky Buddha Lounge in Boca Raton, Fla.

Wait. Funky? Larry and funky? This is a man who stood outside the U.S. District Court on many occasions in the mid-1990s, waving official documents, tattling on Bill Clinton and then-first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton. The lounge in question features 120 different beers and hookahs - the “shisha” variety, and said tobacco comes in 40 flavors.

Mr. Klayman would rather be funny in Florida than fuming in Washington.

“It’s political humor mostly. I have not given up as ‘freedom fighter,’ but with the Obama/Clinton crowd in power it’s better to laugh than cry. Besides, the Clintons always tried to portray my lawsuits as a joke. I am not through with them - the Filegate case, for example,” Mr. Klayman tells Inside the Beltway. “But now the Clintons and Obama can have both. Freedom fighter, comedian. A two-fer.”

If things go swimmingly, Mr. Klayman says, “I’ll take my schtick” to clubs in Los Angeles and New York.

Story Continues →