- The Washington Times - Friday, December 18, 2009

COAL DUST-UP

Sending a package to President Obama via the U.S. Postal Service is a bold move in a post-White House party crasher age.

“President Obama’s on the list for Christmas coal,” explains John M. Snyder, who is public affairs director of the Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms, and treasurer of the Second Amendment Foundation.

Not one to hold back, Mr. Snyder mailed fake coal to the president in a little cloth sack emblazoned with the motto “You’ve been naughty,” tucked into an official priority-style mail box.

“Obama deserves the coal,” he continues. “He’s been worse than naughty, even bad, really wretched. He’s misused the presidency in a radical attempt to undermine gun rights, the right to personal self-defense, the right to life, the right to freedom of choice in medical and economic matters, and the right of all Americans for definitive action against terrorist enemies.”

And the coal? The item went unclaimed as of Thursday afternoon.

“Perhaps this reflects White House incompetence or unwillingness to face the music,” Mr. Snyder observes.

OCTOGENARIAN RAGE

Seventy is the new 50, they say. So 80something must mean that folks can still be pretty feisty, even after eight decades. Witness France-born author Jacques Ferraris, who appears ready to take on the entire conservative movement himself in a new book titled “Greens,” calling conservatives “preachers of doom,” among other things.

“Conservatives relish the ‘good old Bush days’ when the rest of the world despised America,” says Mr. Ferraris, 88. “Being hated makes those super tough jerks feel good. In their tiny little brains, being loved and respected means that people no longer fear us. For them, having people tremble when we push them around is proof that America is strong. Those idiots will never understand that being loved and respected is what used to make America the envy of the world.”

Yowsuh. Well, OK. Maybe he’s still mad about the “freedom fries,” “cheese eating surrender monkeys” and “axis of weasels” - those phrases bandied about in the press from shortly after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. Yeah. Maybe.

DEMOCRATIC RAGE

Need a handy way to track Republican successes? Just follow the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, which reveals all, at times.

“It’s hard to believe that a movement fueled by right-wing extremism, outright lies and tea bags would be amassing power. But it is. And Republicans are making money hand over fist from these ultraconservative tea partiers,” says Executive Director J.B. Poersch in a fundraising message to Democrats.

“I know, I know. The misinformation they’re spewing is laughable. But let me be frank: If we don’t take them seriously, there will be serious implications in 2010. They are passionate, they are flush with cash, and they are coming after us. It’s that simple,” he continues.

“Hey, thanks,” says a Republican from Calvert County, upon reviewing the missive.

WEAK END AT BERNIE’S

The sheer number of politicians and celebrities who have misbehaved this year has prompted ABC’s “Nightline” to create an award for the best of the worst: the “2009 Bernies,” named after convicted financial conman Bernard Madoff.

Barbara Walters has the most fascinating, we have the most scandalous and worst behaved,” says ABC correspondent Brian Ross.

Nominees include South Carolina Gov.Mark Sanford, former presidential hopeful John Edwards, Sen.John Ensign, Nevada Republican; former congressman William Jefferson, former Illinois Gov.Rod R. Blagojevich, White House party crashers Michaele and Tareq Salahi.

The winners will be named Dec. 30, determined by popular vote. And you can vote here: www.abc news.go.com/blotter/2009 Scandals.

HARRY’S TUNE

Beltway readers are creative lot. From David Swink of Vienna, Va., comes this little ditty, to be sung to the tune of “All I want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth.” Mr. Swink forwarded his tune to all 100 U.S. senators, he says.

“All we want for Christmas is to kill this bill.

Behind closed doors,

it lingers still.

So if you vote to not advance the ReidCare bill,

then we’ll wish you a Merry Christmas.

But if our stockings get a lump of coal this year,

your voters will

have much to fear.

Their anger will go on through reelection year.

You won’t then have a Merry Christmas.”

POLL DU JOUR

• 71 percent of U.S. voters overall say American society is “fair and decent.”

• 66 percent prefer smaller government with fewer services and lower taxes.

• 22 percent favor more services and higher taxes.

• 88 percent of Republicans and 51 percent of Democrats favor smaller government.

• 86 percent of conservatives agree.

c 65 percent of liberals favor more services and higher taxes.

Source: A Rasmussen Reports survey of 1,000 likely voters conducted Dec. 10-11.

• Ditties, pity, nitty-gritty to jharper@washington times.com. Follow her at www.twitter.com/harper bulletin.

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