- The Washington Times - Sunday, February 22, 2009

The more I hear about this phony Nationals prospect, the more I’m beginning to wonder if he even speaks Spanish.

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Here’s the Nats’ biggest problem: When 19-year-old Esmailyn Gonzalez turns out to be 23-year-old Carlos Alvarez, there’s no way you can blame it on a typographical error.

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Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Gonzalez/Alvarez is the illegitimate son of Sidd Finch - that pitcher with the 168 mph fastball that George Plimpton dreamed up years ago.

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I have just one question for club president Stan Kasten: The kid’s birthday wouldn’t be April Fools’ Day, would it?

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Maybe they could trade him even-up for Joe Hardy.

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“Make no mistake,” Kasten said, “this wasn’t a college kid with a fake ID that came in and did this.”

You’ve got that right, Stan. I mean, a college kid with a fake ID would probably still be buying rounds at the team watering hole.

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About the only way this story could be better is if Gonzalez/Alvarez had invested his $1.4 million bonus with Bernie Madoff.

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Story Continues →