OUT OF CONTEXT: Nothing to see here. Move along, move along.

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I was talking to a friend about the conceit of our technological supremacy over that of past generations — you know, the belief that if a modern man went back in time, he could take control of society because of his technological superiority.

We both think that’s a crock.

We use our technology without understanding it. We rely on our technology so much that we are slaves to it.

Send a modern journalist 400 years into the past, and the first discovery he’ll make is that he has no cell-phone reception. Then he’ll find out he’s lost because the GPS isn’t working.

And taking over society? What does he have to offer?

Journalist: “Hi, I’m from the future, and I bring you the five W’s of journalism - who, what, where, when and why.”

Townsfolk: “Witch!”

Journalist: “No, that’s not one of the W’s.”

Townsfolk: “Drown him!”

Journalist: “Oh, I see. A homophone.”

• • •

Astronomers recently discovered that the Milky Way galaxy is spinning a lot faster than they previously had estimated.

What’s more, they found two spiral arms in the galaxy that hadn’t been seen before, and that discovery increases the Milky Way’s mass by 50 percent.

To be quite honest with you, I thought our galaxy was putting on a little weight, but I didn’t want to say anything. You know, with the holidays and all, you’ve gotta expect the Milky Way will put on a few extra solar systems this time of year.

It’s good news for me to learn that the Milky Way is spinning faster. This explains my constant dizziness, especially when I’m driving. It’s not my fault. I blame the galaxy.

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About the Author
Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant is the assistant managing editor for strategic planning and development/special projects for The Washington Times. He previously served as The Times’ Metropolitan desk editor, Features desk editor and an assistant National desk editor, as well as a National and Metropolitan reporter. He currently writes a humor blog and weekly humor column — both titled “Out of Context” — ...

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