Dan Daly: Different strokes for Tiger
Speaking of Terrell Owens, can you imagine how mad he’ll be if the Eagles - the team he thumbed his nose at - get to the Super Bowl?
I can see it now: After he’s done doing 100 crunches in his driveway - just to relieve some of the tension - he’ll drive over to the Cowboys’ practice facility and park in Wade Phillips’ space.
And if that doesn’t make him feel better, he’ll call a news conference and imply that Tony Romo is gay.
My column last week about the 1940s Chicago Cardinals and their one-of-a-kind coach, Jimmy Conzelman, was supposed to be accompanied by a brief compendium of Conzelman quotes. Alas, we ran out of space. Here it is for your amusement. (He really was a funny man.)
- “A fellow came up to me [in 1942] after we had lost a tough one, 38-2, and he said, ‘Jimmy, don’t feel downhearted. It’s not your fault. Your boys can’t play well this year because of the war. Their minds are taken up with the war.’
“I seized on that with pathetic eagerness. Whenever somebody would confront me with my bad record after that, I’d simply shrug and murmur, ‘C’est la guerre, c’est la guerre.’ Unfortunately, Charles Bidwill, the man I work for, doesn’t understand French.”
- “I was talking to George [Preston] Marshall last week in Washington. No, you’d better change that to George was talking to me. Marshall gave me a lot of advice. He said that the thing that built pro football in Washington was that he gave the folks a show - good vaudeville between halves, colorful uniform for the band and so on. I told him, ‘Listen, if I had Sammy Baugh on my team, I could draw a crowd playing a banjo between halves.’”
- On how to inspire an underperforming club: “That day as I came off the field after the first half, I decided to use the ‘Master Is Angry’ device. The operation is really very simple. After giving the squad ample time to get settled in the locker room, the coach charges in with controlled but noticeable fury and stalks around the room glaring at the players. Finally, after hurling a short volley of sarcasm at the group, he exits on the line and slams the door behind him, leaving - he hopes - a contrite team to meditate on its sins and, subsequently, to mend its ways. If you ever try this, be sure to slam the door. In the silence of a chastened dressing room, it makes a hell of a noise.”
- Speaking at the annual athletic banquet at the University of Chicago, whose president was a vocal opponent of big-time college football: “It’s a pleasure to be here with President Hutchins. We have two great things in common. We both are wearing gray suits and both live in Chicago.”
- “At the football meetings last week, somebody proposed an amendment to the constitution to prevent any player from receiving a larger salary than his coach. So I told the meeting: ‘If this goes through, either I go or three of my players do.’”
- After losing 45-21 to the Redskins in 1947, the year the Cards won the title: “I haven’t felt so badly since the Punitive Committee of the American Coaches Association had me up on charges for using a player at Washington University who paid his own tuition.”