OUT OF CONTEXT: If you’re reading this, you might be in need of professional help
A colleague of mine said I should do a column about running out of humorous things to write about.
So this it.
… Um, did you ever. …
No, that won’t work.
… How about? … Nah. …
… I got nothing.
I swear that guy is dead to me.
A British survey has found that two-thirds of its respondents fibbed about having read high-brow books like “War and Peace” and “1984” in order to appear more intelligent and sexier than they really are.
Besides Leo Tolstoy’s epic “War and Peace” and George Orwell’s political nightmare “1984,” other books people fib about include the Bible, Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time,” Gustave Flaubert’s novel “Madame Bovary” and Marcel Proust’s memory exercise “Remembrance of Things Past.”
People also tend to bluff about having read Jane Austen, Charles Dickens and the Bronte sisters.
I’ve tried reading “War and Peace” on three separate occasions. It’s way over 1,000 pages — and that’s just the Cliff Notes. I gave up and decided to wait for the movie. Then I found out the movie version is eight hours long! Who was this Tolstoy guy? I’ll tell you — a guy with way too much time on his hands.
You know why “War and Peace” is so long? It’s because Tolstoy didn’t have an editor. Any good editor would have told him to do just “War” first and then write “Peace” as the second-day follow-up.