OUT OF CONTEXT: Shhh! Let’s just keep this one between you and me

Rubberneckers vex me.

They make my commute longer than it needs to be, and they make me say stuff out of frustration:

• “Don’t slow down! That’s just a cop. With a radar gun. He can’t catch you. Worry about the next cop waiting a half-mile down the road. He’s the one you have slow down for.”

• “That’s nothing to look at. It’s just a hearse that’s flipped over. See? The driver’s OK. And the guy in the back wasn’t in great shape to begin with.”

• “What are you gawking at? You act like you’ve never seen a horse before. So what if it’s running around in a parking lot? It’ll be on YouTube by the time you get to work.”

• “Hey! ‘Parkway’ is just a name, not a directive. Keep it moving!”

•••


The federal government now wants investors to buy “toxic” assets. Sounds good to me. I’m already on the government’s asbestos diet.

•••


Remember Rod Blagojevich?

The former governor of Illinois who was impeached and ousted by the state legislature?

The guy who faces federal corruption charges for allegedly trying to sell the U.S. Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama?

The dude who wears a squirrel as a hairdo? Guess what?

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About the Author
Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant is the assistant managing editor for strategic planning and development/special projects for The Washington Times. He previously served as The Times’ Metropolitan desk editor, Features desk editor and an assistant National desk editor, as well as a National and Metropolitan reporter. He currently writes a humor blog and weekly humor column — both titled “Out of Context” — ...

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