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Luckily, sleep scientists have developed machines that force air into your face to keep you from snoring.

They fit you with a mask, not unlike the one Hannibal Lecter wears to keep him from eating people in “The Silence of the Lambs,” and the machine forces air into your nose.

It’s scuba gear for bedtime!

I’ll get fitted for one this week. It makes me wish I was back in school, because I’d be one of the cool kids with the Darth Vader bedtime respirator and night light. Can’t wait for my first sleepover!

You can reach Carleton Bryant at 202/636-3218 and — but only if you wake him slowly.