- The Washington Times - Sunday, November 29, 2009

You might have heard the distant rumbling and pondered the source of the thunder.

Or you might have felt the earth shift beneath your feet and wondered what is happening.

Be still and do not fear. I am here to tell you what’s going on.

It is officially the end of an era: “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” has aired its last original episode on TLC, which used to stand for “The Learning Channel.”

I can hardly believe it myself: “The Learning Channel!”

Jon & Kate have been on for five or six seasons, maybe seven — no one’s really sure — and they’ve provided so many minutes, nay, seconds of quality TV viewing.

But even a train wreck eventually must come to an end, I guess.

I have never watched a single episode of the show, but I feel as if I had. That’s reflective of the impact they’ve had on the popular culture, the influence they’ve wielded over the zeitgeist, the power they’ve exerted over the media.

They are pervasive. They are ubiquitous. They are omnipresent. They are repetitive, just like the three previous sentences.

Without wanting to, I feel as if I’ve met Jon and Kate Gosselin — and asked them to leave my house before I called the cops.

Without actively following their exploits, I know about everything that’s going on in their lives — the fights, the bank withdrawals, the name-calling, the court orders, the fights, the questionable dates, the unending tears, the tabloid stories and, of course, the fights.

It’s as if they are a part of the very air I breathe, which would explain that strange odor in the kitchen. (I knew we hadn’t had liver and onions recently.)

For the last episode, Kate took all eight of their kids to a dairy farm to learn how to milk cows. It was about time those little tax deductions started learning a trade.

Jon, who’s up for a “Father of the Year” award from Deadbeats Anonymous, took the kids to a firehouse, presumably to show them someone who actually works for a living.

So now the marriage is over, and Kate has been granted primary custody of the children.

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