OUT OF CONTEXT: Does this column make me look fat? Yeah, I thought so.

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“Why can’t they throw away their own phone books?” I thought. “Why do they have to outsource this job to me?”

I decided I would do something about it.

So I placed the phone book in my recycling container.

Then I placed my recycling container in my car.

Then I drove my car to the phone company and left my recycling container on the doorstep with a note: “Outsource this!”

•••


A few weeks ago I wrote about how my favorite liquor store in Pasadena, Md., never cards me because, let’s face it, there’s no way I could pass for 20.

Well, somebody there read the column — and now they’ve started carding me.

Not every old-timer who goes in there. Just me.

I wish I could say it makes me feel young again. But that’s what the beer is for.

•••


Is anybody else creeped out by seeing Halloween decorations next to Christmas decorations at the supermarket?

To me, the Halloween skeleton standing next to the Santa Claus figurine looks like some kind of before-and-after display … but I’m not sure which is the “before” and which is the “after.”

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About the Author
Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant

Carleton Bryant is the assistant managing editor for strategic planning and development/special projects for The Washington Times. He previously served as The Times’ Metropolitan desk editor, Features desk editor and an assistant National desk editor, as well as a National and Metropolitan reporter. He currently writes a humor blog and weekly humor column — both titled “Out of Context” — ...

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