OUT OF CONTEXT: Does this column make me look fat? Yeah, I thought so.

Either way, it looks like an eating disorder was involved.

When I first heard that NASA had crashed two spacecraft into the moon this month, I was afraid it was a DUI-related accident. (“Houston, we have a problem. David Hasselhoff’s up here and he wants to drive.”)

But NASA intentionally crashed the probes into the moon’s south pole to look for hidden ice. Which, to me, sounds like crashing your car into a telephone pole to find the air bag.

The crashes had been expected to kick up miles of lunar dust, which NASA scientists would analyze for traces of ice.

NASA hopes to find some lunar water because it would help in setting up a base on the moon. You know, for showers and stuff.

A co-worker made an astute observation. She said, “Isn’t it weird that President Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize on the same day that the U.S. unilaterally attacked the moon?”

I’m a safe driver, but some people say I drive too fast.

Unfortunately, most of them operate the speed cameras in the District.

They enjoy sending me photographs of me in my car and asking me for money.

I think they’re blackmailing me.

Story Continues →