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When Eliot Spitzer heard what a Jerry Brown staffer called Meg Whitman, the CNN host phoned Mrs. Whitman and asked if she was ever free for lunch.

The Justice Department plans to imprison any cartoonist who draws a character with an incandescent bulb over his head.

Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. has ruled that Arizona police may not interrogate Mexican jumping beans that spring over the border fence, as it constitutes legume profiling.

Former CNN anchor Rick Sanchez has been hired to host “Good Morning, Palestine.”

The president’s indecisiveness was on display last month when he was spotted on the Truman balcony shouting, “I’m mad as hell and I may or may not take this anymore.”

Overwhelmed by all of the House ethics investigations, Mrs. Pelosi has asked the Army Corps of Engineers to help her drain the swamp.

The State Bar of California will recommend that undocumented former housekeeper Nicky Diaz be pardoned and that Gloria Allred be deported.

The president’s disapproval rating is so high, his mother-in-law tells son-in-law jokes.

As a conservative, I trust that the above will be dismissed as mean-spirited fabrications. Just kidding.

Raymond Siller is a television writer and political consultant.