SILLER: Not-so-serious, last-minute surprises
The Republican Party is about to unleash October surprises to persuade the two or three remaining undecided Americans to vote for GOP candidates. They will reveal negative rumors about Democrats and their media accomplices. A source on background released the following disquieting details:
In a sign that the economy is in worse shape than has been publicly stated, Air Force One has begun charging the president a fee for his carry-on luggage.
If the Democrats lose the House, Speaker Nancy Pelosi has assured her aides she will keep a stiff upper face.
In a hint that she may challenge the president in 2012, Hillary Rodham Clinton has quietly brokered a peace treaty between North Vietnam and New Hampshire.
The presidential seal that fell off the podium was actually attempting to take its own life after listening to Mr. Obama’s remarks on the economy.
Even though Michelle Obama has planted jicama, plantains and papaya, the first lady denies she’s growing an undocumented worker sanctuary garden.
The ozone layer above our nation’s capital will be depleted for the next hundred years because of Sen. Carl Levin’s application of aerosol spritz to his comb-over.
President Obama is so unpopular among his own staff that he is reduced to playing one-on-none basketball.
To create shovel-ready jobs, a construction crew has built a secret exit ramp behind the White House for all remaining economic advisers.
The president will take a day off next week to visit the White House.
The real reason former Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel resigned was so he could spend more time with his family of foul-mouthed rodents who live in his old ballet tights.
Florida Rep. Alan Grayson was evicted from an Orlando motel after bedbugs complained he was contaminating their mattress.
Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal already has admitted he lied about serving in Vietnam. He not only lied about serving in Vietnam, but there’s more. In 1958, as a Connecticut Boy Scout, he was court-martialed for selling square-knot secrets to a mob-affiliated troop in New Jersey.
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